Not Quite Paradise
by xmystorytime
Summary: 7 days. 7 themes. Written for Yullen week. Featuring: Seasonal, Battle, Comfort, Gift, Playground, Steam, Foreign.
1. Seasonal

**Not Quite Paradise**

_Written by xmystorytime._

**Full Summary:** 7 days. 7 themes. Written for Yullen week.

**Warning: **PG-13+ stuff.

**Ships: **Yullen/KanAre.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned this animé/manga... I'd've had more funny scenes between Cross and Allen. Alas, I don't and therefore won't get my wish. Sadly.

* * *

_[Seasonal] It's Allen's first Christmas at HQ, but someone's missing the party._

--

The music pounded so loud he could hardly hear himself think.

There was cheering as the radio belted out the well-known song 'Deck the Halls', adding to the euphoric atmosphere in the room. Smiling brightly, not sure when the last time he'd had so much fun on Christmas day was, he didn't need any encouragement to join in singing along to the music. It was an easy song to memorize, after all.

"Allen! Allen!" From his position in the centre of the room he turned, smile widening as he caught sight of the red-head making his way through the crowds to him. The smile slipped when he saw the mischievous look on his friend's face, but before he could prepare himself for what was about to come he had been assaulted and roughly pulled from his position and through the dense crowds.

"Lavi!" he protested, not really wanting to move from where he'd been standing. He might not have been dancing but he'd been enjoying it there. "What are you doing?!"

"I need someone to sing with me!" he said and Allen paled.

"What?!" he demanded, tugging on Lavi's grip. "No! Find someone else!"

"There isn't anyone else!" Lavi pouted, not letting go as he led them through the crowds to the small platform that had been made especially for the special occasion. Allen watched it grow nearer with dread, his heart sinking lower and lower the closer he got. "Besides, it's Christmas! The time to have fun!"

"This isn't my idea of fun," Allen hissed, trying to break free. They stumbled through a group of people and were nearly at the stage when Allen spotted his only way out of the event. "Lenalee!" he yelled to the head bouncing up and down through the dancing scientists. Lenalee turned to them with a wide smile and for the first time Allen saw what she was wearing. He couldn't help but stare. The green elf costume hugged the girl in all the right places, however...

"Allen-kun! Lavi!" she greeted, wrapping her arms first around Lavi (he was closer, after all), and then around Allen. Around her left wrist was a piece of worn-down tinsel, which scratched Allen's neck, but he didn't really notice.

"Does Komui know what you're wearing?!" Lavi demanded, sufficiently distracted to forget he'd been about to sing. Lenalee cocked her head to the side, frowning slightly. She couldn't hear the words over the music and Allen watched the pair try and communicate. It eventually resorted to Lavi throwing his hands up in the hair and giving up, to the amusement of Lenalee.

The trio, now nearer to the side of the room than the centre, turned and looked around the room. The song finally came to an end, to the disappointment of some, but as a new song started up on the radio (Jingle Bells seemed to be another favourite) there was more cheer. Allen stared at the wide smiles, the slightly-red faces from too much wine, the twinkling costumes of people he knew and loved.

Just seeing the pure enjoyment on everyone's faces, after everything that had happened, was enough to put Allen in a good mood for a year.

A hand slipped into his and arms wrapped itself around his other arm, and he blinked, turning to see Lavi and Lenalee grinning at him. He was about to smile back when Lenalee said something and gestured to the doors. Gathering she wanted to leave, he nodded (who was he to protest about not being forced to sing up on stage?) and the friends made their way out of the canteen to the corridor outside. The hallway itself was populated by several people who weren't so fond of the loud music, but were instead talking to people.

Allen found himself being led down until they were in the neighbouring room, where the music could be heard but at a much more manageable level. Having been refused exit from the canteen until now, Allen's ears had grown used to the music and it all seemed to be much quieter than he remembered.

"Man, this has been some fun night huh?" Lavi exhaled, letting go of Allen and flopping over the side of a chair. Allen grinned, thinking over the various activities of the night. The feast had been enormous, the games had been hilarious, the music had been a constant and the companionship of everyone...

"I don't ever want it to end," Lenalee sighed happily. "This is your first Christmas at the Order, right Allen-kun?"

"Ah, yeah. Yeah," Allen said, a little startled to realize it was true. He'd grown used to being so close to his friends that it hadn't really registered.

"Are you enjoying it?" she asked again and this time Allen smiled sincerely.

"Yes," he said, turning to her. "It's been one of the best days of my life." He hadn't received any presents but he hadn't expected any either. The best present he could've got this year he'd already received, and that was the memories of his time with the Order. Christmas Day had always been special to him, had always held a little space in his heart - ever since Mana had rescued him - and now it held even more special memories.

Some fond, some not so fond.

He thought sheepishly of when Reever had tried to strip earlier, inhibitions lost to drunkenness, and had had to be escorted from the room before he got further than his top.

"Oh!" he said suddenly, surprising his two friends. "There's only one person I haven't seen." he couldn't believe he hadn't realized it before. He must have been so focused on everyone else that it just slipped his mind...

"Hm?" Lenalee prompted when he didn't continue. Allen rest a hand behind his head, laughing softly.

"I'm not surprised, thinking about it. Does Kanda usually participate in Christmas Day?" he asked, turning to Lenalee. Lenalee blinked and turned to Lavi.

"No one's got him yet?" she asked, puzzled. Lavi blinked back.

"Reever was supposed to." he said with a frown, and then it hit everyone that Reever had probably got too drunk too quickly to remember he had a job to do. Lavi sighed, dropping his head into his hands. "Damn it." he sighed. Allen was only a _tad _lost. Lenalee, seeing Allen's bemused look, explained for the white-haired boy.

"Kanda never comes down until someone goes up to fetch him. We all know he wants to, at least we think he does, but his pride won't let him come down on his own. We have to all act like he was forced." Lenalee nodded, like she was a sage, and Allen blinked before scowling at nothing in particular.

"That... is one of the stupidest things I've heard," he said darkly, once more surprising his friends. "On Christmas day, things like pride and embarrassment go out the window... not that I'd expect him to understand anything like that. Stupid Kanda."

"A-Allen-kun..." Lenalee said warily, inching away from him. "Aren't you over-reacting a little?" But Allen had always had strong views, and his views of Christmas day were some of his strongest ones of all.

"It's not Christmas without all of the family." he murmured, missing Lavi and Lenalee's shared glance. "Don't worry, I'll go get him." As quickly as it had come his dark mood vanished and he was smiling again. With a look at his wary friends he turned and left the room, dodging around the various people and making his way up to the significantly darker floors.

They were only darker due to the fact that no one had turned on the lights, but Allen's imagination had him thinking the sour puss Kanda was the reason for such dimness and deliberately turned on each of the lights as he made his way through. The tinsel sparkled when he did so and he gazed at the painted drawings on the wall.

Some of them were so bad it was impossible to tell what they were, and some were actually very good. Each drawing gave Allen a different feeling of pleasure and cheerfully he made his way to where he knew Kanda's room was. His good mood would no doubt fade when he got into an argument with the other, like usual, so he made sure to make it last.

Eventually, however, he reached Kanda's room. He didn't hesitate as he pushed open the door, making a squeaking noise as he narrowly managed to avoid his head being cut off. From his knelt position he tilted his head back, seeing the emotionless face of Kanda sheathe the sword, and he scowled at him.

"You'd try and attack someone on Christmas day?!" he said, pushing himself to his feet.

"I have good reflexes," Kanda replied, seemingly not caring he'd nearly killed Allen. Allen supposed he shouldn't be surprised; Kanda hated him. He probably wouldn't care if Allen kicked the bucket (hell, he probably wanted to be the one to do it). Grimacing and remembering he was here on a mission, he reached out and grabbed Kanda's arm.

"Come on, it's time to come downstairs," he said, tugging. Kanda refused to move.

"I'm not going," he said, pulling out of Allen's grip. Allen rolled his eyes.

"Of course not. Now come _on_!" he snapped, glaring at the other. "Everyone's having fun downstairs, you should too."

"I _said _I'm not going, _beansprout,_" he grinned maliciously and Allen twitched.

"My name's Allen, pretty boy," he retorted, making Kanda twitch.

"I'm not a pretty boy," Kanda scowled and Allen scowled back.

"You could've fooled me," he said, glancing back out of the door. He had a sudden longing to be back in the party, laughing with everyone, as he heard the faint music and Kanda must've seen his look.

"Che. Go back and leave me here," he said, turning away and settling back down on the bed. Allen blinked and then pulled a face to the male's back.

"Yeah, right. I said I'd bring you down didn't I? So I'm going to do that." he said, a little defiantly. "So come on Kanda, be nice in the spirit of Christmas and all that." he paused and then grinned wickedly. "Or do I have to call on the three ghosts, Mr. Scrooge?"

"... I'm not going." Kanda said, after a pause. "Especially not with the likes of you." Frustrated, Allen threw his hands up in the air.

"Fine! Right! Whatever! You can just stay up here and mope miserably while we're all having fun." he said, storming out the room. He was half way down the corridor before he remembered what it was Lenalee had told him. _What a pain, he's probably just doing what he usually does, like a test... damn him_, he scowled darkly at the floor.

Turning on his heel, he stalked back up the way he'd just stormed down and re-entered Kanda's room, slamming the door behind him. The light in the room shone and showed all but the barest corners of the room and for an instance, Allen was surprised there was nothing in the room.

His room was the same, however, so he didn't think any more and instead crossed his arms over his chest. His left hand tapped his arm impatiently.

"Why don't you want to come down?" he demanded. "Is it because of pride? Stupidity? Are you some sort of masochist?" he threw out more suggestions, watching Kanda get increasingly annoyed the more he continued.

"Why do you want me to come down?" Kanda replied, scowling from his sitting position on the bed. "Why is it so important to you that I'm there or not?" Allen had the horrible urge to stomp his foot at Kanda's stubbornness, like a child would when he didn't get his own way. He'd never done it himself, however...

"It's my first Christmas here. I don't want to spend it without _everyone_, even our own pet Scrooge, there." he said, but it was only partially the truth. Kanda seemed to sense that too because he raised an eyebrow.

"You're lying." he said. "Why did _you _come and get me?" Allen, not liking the way this was going, took a step back.

"I offered." he said, which was also partially true. "Reever was too drunk to remember to get you." Kanda snorted, slowly standing and taking a step closer to Allen.

"That's still _not _the reason, is it?" he asked, making Allen blanch. "The entire weeks leading up to Christmas you've been like a kid in a sweet shop." he took another step closer. "Nothing's been able to get you down. You've been working almost non-stop to help out with Christmas, to make sure that everyone enjoyed it." Another step. Allen kept backing up and when he hit the door he wished he hadn't shut it.

"Why is Christmas so important to you?" Kanda demanded, pausing in the middle of the room. Allen scowled.

"Is it so wrong to want everyone to have a happy Christmas?" he demanded, annoyed. "Is it so wrong to want everyone to feel the way I did on my first Christmas?" he took a step forwards, memories of Mana running through his mind. "It was on Christmas day that I _finally _became a person, the day that I had an identity, and it was the happiest day of my life," he stared at Kanda's widened eyes.

"If there was a way I can make anybody feel the same way I did that day, I'd do it in a heartbeat!" he paused, shouting the last part, and then realized what he'd just said. He fought back the embarrassment at it being _Kanda _he'd said it to, instead keeping his head high to show he wasn't ashamed. "That's why I want you down – because I don't want you to be miserable. I don't want anyone to be miserable but -" _especially not you._

This time he bit back on his words, eyes wide and wondering where that had come from. His words echoed around the room, sinking into silence, and Allen was surprised when Kanda tilted his head to the side and gave a slight grin. It was a wicked grin, a small evil grin, and somehow it was creepier than his smirks.

"You think I'm miserable up here?" Kanda said, suddenly creeping forwards. "That's what I _hate _about you, bean sprout – you're always sprouting things that are based off of assumptions." he got closer to Allen, getting into his personal space, and before Allen knew what had happened his arms were being pinned up above his head by Kanda's hands.

"My name's Allen." he protested, body tingling from the close combat. Kanda seemed to ignore him.

"You see things from your way of the world, but you never view it from anyone else's. Ever wondered why one man's saviour is another man's villain?" Kanda leaned in close, never breaking eye contact. "I'm not miserable... bean sprout." Allen could almost taste Kanda's breath and as he opened his mouth to protest to the name, Kanda swooped down and gave him an open-mouthed kiss.

Allen's eyes widened when he felt Kanda close the distance between their bodies, bringing them closer than ever before. As first kisses went it wasn't something to talk about; Kanda pressing too hard and Allen too shocked to do much more than stand and look pretty. When Kanda pulled back, letting go of Allen's arms with a hint of doubt in his eyes, instead of pushing him away Allen wrapped said arms around his neck and stopped the other from going any further.

He tried to think of something to say, something that would accurately describe what he wanted to say, but he couldn't made sense of any of the emotions running through him. He just gazed into Kanda's eyes and, hesitantly, for he hadn't had much practice, he brought his lips back to Kanda's, shutting his eyes as he did so. He felt Kanda give another wicked grin against his mouth.

"Took you long enough." the male breathed, and then Allen lost track of everything save for the hard and heavy body pressed tightly against him, the hands that roamed and the lips locked tightly on his.

--

"Lavi..." she began doubtfully and Lavi held up a hand, stopping her from going any further. He had a feeling he knew what she was going to say.

"They haven't killed each other." he reassured her, but he wasn't sure if it was the truth or not. Allen had been gone for an awfully long time and despite looking everywhere, no one had seen them at the party yet. It meant they were still up in Kanda's room.

"They've been gone too long." Lenalee bit her lip. "Maybe it was a mistake letting Allen go."

"We couldn't have stopped him even if we wanted to." Lavi patted her hand gently. "You know how Allen is." Lenalee's back was to the hallway so she didn't see, but Lavi did and he grinned as he recognized the white-haired male walking down the hall. "Ah! There they are now!"

"What?" Lenalee spun around and it was amazing how much her mood lifted when she realized they hadn't killed each other. They watched as Kanda broke off from Allen, scowling darkly as he went on his way, and Allen pulled a face at his back, obviously irritated. Lavi snickered.

"Allen!" he called, waving. Allen made his way over to them and Lavi blinked. "Allen..." he trailed off when Allen approached, glancing the male up and down. "What happened?" Allen blinked back.

"What?" he said, naïve of his appearance. His clothes seemed a bit displaced, his hair was all over the place and his eyes had a slight unfocused look that was slowly fading. Lenalee broke out of Lavi's group and put her hands on her hips, frowning.

"You fought with Kanda again, didn't you?" she scolded and, to their surprise, a pink blush started to creep up on Allen's face.

"Ah, yes, fought, that's it," he said, nodding frantically and then glanced around. "Uh, I think I see Miranda, excuse me." Like a rabbit running from a fox he was off and Lavi watched him go, thinking deeply.

"You don't think...?" Lenalee started, eyes wide.

"No, no, it's not possible. They hate each other!" Lavi firmly denied once he realized what she meant. Then he paused. "They _were _gone for awhile..."

"They wouldn't." Lenalee was the one denying it now. "You said it yourself, they hate each other. We just saw them bickering!"

Neither of them mentioned the swollen lips Allen now sported.

* * *

**A/N: **I'm joining in on this because I'm testing myself. I'm not a fan of Yullen therefore if I can write it without letting my feelings get in the way of the writing, I'll be pleased. :P There isn't a _lot _of focus on action between Kanda/Allen. There's not much fluff either because I don't see their relationship fluffy. Enjoy!


	2. Battle

**Not Quite Paradise**

_Written by xmystorytime._

**Disclaimer: **If I owned this animé/manga... I'd've had more funny scenes between Cross and Allen. Alas, I don't and therefore won't get my wish. Sadly.

* * *

_[Battle] The final battle is brutal, swift and harsh. There can be no happy ending for those within._

--

The bloody sword gleamed as it sung through the air, guided by a skilled hand.

_There are..._

The deft swordsman took down another demon, not put off by the blood nor the explosion which sent him back several feet. He merely spun on the spot and drove his double-edged blade through more enemies.

_Too many..._

He was not in a good mood, hadn't been in a good mood for a long time. Ever since the Earl had managed to slaughter more of their forces with his god-forsaken Noah he hadn't been in a good mood, but he was in a _black_ mood that particular day and he took it out on those around him.

_Fucking demons!_

With a roar-like cry he jumped high into the air. Demons followed him, for he was the only exorcist in that area of the battlefield (granted, there _were _only five exorcists, excluding the generals, who were still fighting – and it was a big battlefield), and in one swift move managed to destroy five level three demons.

He landed, getting a brief respite for the moment, and gasped for air. Never before had he fought so hard for so long without any chance of a break. Just where had the Earl managed to get so many fucking demons from? _Not only that, but there's those god damned Noah guiding them_... he reminded himself, turning his gaze to the sky. There was only one Noah who remained stood in the sky, bloodied but alive.

Yu's eyes widened. _Have the others been destroyed? _He dared not hope for something so wonderful, instead turning as he heard a loud shout of his name.

For the first time since the final battle had begun he saw his companion. Lavi didn't look very well at all, bloodied and battered, rags and tags with a limp to match, but he was alive. It was more than Yu could say for some other exorcists he knew (Krory had earned his respect by going down and taking Jasdevi with him, some hours ago now).

"Yu," Lavi gasped, panting for air. A demon crept up behind him and Yu jumped over to him, destroying the horrendous being. "Thanks," Lavi added, not even looking surprised. "You... have to come... quickly..." something about his attitude gave Yu pause.

"What happened?" he demanded. He'd been out of contact with the main area, where the Earl was, since the beginning (he'd been driven away almost instantly, as had almost all the exorcists) and didn't know what was going on there.

Perhaps Lavi did.

"It's – it's Allen," Lavi was clutching his side, looking pained, but Yu's eyes widened as he heard the name of his lover. Lavi's grim face didn't help matters and he narrowed his eyes, forcing away the concern that rose within him. He couldn't afford to let his emotions interfere with his fighting right now. Afterwards, he would.

"What did the-" he cut himself off as another round of demons attacked. Several minutes of desperate fighting back to back passed before they got another respite and Yu didn't bother turning to face his friend. "-idiot do now?" he finished.

"He's fighting the Earl," Lavi replied.

Yu froze.

"Where?" he growled, finally turning. Lavi pointed to their left and Yu turned, but he couldn't see anything. He must have been driven further away than he thought.

"Follow me, I'll take you there," Lavi said, turning and then fighting his way through the demons. Lavi was one of the few who knew of his relationship with the beansprout, which was probably why he had been the one who had thought to chase Yu down.

Yu wouldn't dare let Allen fight the Earl on his own, not if he had a choice. He didn't care if it was his destiny, he would not let Allen do it alone. He'd even forced a promise out of the other. A promise his partner had broken.

When he next saw Allen Yu would be responsible for his death, not the fucking Earl.

Yu wasn't sure how many hours it took for them to reach the thick of the fighting. The going had been slow from the start, getting slower as they got closer to the Earl, for it turned out that this was where most of the exorcists were fighting and thus the most demons. As they inched closer Yu realized he had been the only one who hadn't fought his way back to where he'd originally been.

If he looked, in-between the demons he could spot his General fighting with a grim expression, not at all enjoying the killing, whereas General Zokalo's whoops of joy were heard even over the screams of the dying. Nyne was easy to spot, leaping around the battlefield on top of her monkey. He couldn't see Cross.

He couldn't see Allen either.

"Look up, Yu!" he heard Lavi shout and, obeying the other, he did so. His eyes widened and he took a step forwards, heart rising to throb painfully in his throat.

High above them, Crown Clown guiding him, Allen Walker fought with his master against a monster. He could do nothing but watch as Cross fired and Allen fought and the Earl dodged. It was all very fast-paced and Yu was surprised when, at some points, he found he missed a few things due to the speed they were moving at.

For one tiny moment he was proud of how far Allen had come since his beginning days in the Order. Now, he was easily the most powerful of them all, despite being the youngest General in all of history.

Something landed on the ground in front of Yu. His eyes snapped to it - deep red circles that stained the blackened grass - and realized it was blood from the battle above. He snapped his head back, forcing back the fear as he watched Allen fight more.

"Watch out!" Lavi suddenly yelled. Yu spun, bringing his sword up automatically. A level four impaled itself upon him and he staggered backwards, grunting fiercely. Its humanoid face grinned openly and Yu was filled with fury... but he couldn't take down a level four on his own.

"Leave him alone!" and glowing feet slammed down on top of the level four, crushing its head. Lenalee scowled fiercely, her fringe falling over her eyes, and then she turned to give Yu a one over. "You look terrible."

"You don't look much better," Yu replied, knowing that if Komui saw the state she was in he'd have a fit. Unfortunately, Komui had died long before the battle had started. Lenalee had never entirely recovered from it.

A large hammer suddenly appeared, whacking at the still twitching level four and crushing it beneath its spike. A weary Lavi leapt beside them, panting harshly.

"Are you two alright?" he asked. Lenalee turned to him, still floating at Yu's head, and nodded.

"We're fine," she said. They weren't, Yu knew. If they walked back from this battle alive it would be a miracle. But they were better than those above.

"MASTER!"

The pained shout drew all attention to it. Yu's heart twisted painfully, recognizing his lover's anguished tone, and looked up just in time to see the Earl let go of General Cross. Allen's master fell like a stone, not moving in the slightest, and it was only due to Lenalee's quick action that Cross didn't crash into the earth. Tears poured down her cheeks when she landed and Yu watched, in shock, as she gently laid the dead exorcist on the ground. Cross had always seemed so _powerful_, so cocky, that to see him dead...

A loud, mocking laugh echoed over the battlefield. All eyes turned to the Earl, who was clutching his fat belly and laughing gleefully. He was obviously taking great pleasure in the death of the thorn in his spine. Yu's gaze caught something moving behind the monster.

He knew what would happen before it happened.

Allen's exorcism sword pierced through the Earl, from one side to the other, and Allen buried the sword right up to its hilt. In the air the pair stood, seemingly frozen. Yu could hardly breathe, wondering if this was the end of the Earl.

"Please... please..." Lenalee whispered beside him, clutching her hands together tightly and shutting her eyes in prayer. It was the only sound on the battlefield now, demon and exorcist alike waiting to see what would happen.

"Allen, my boy, did you really think this would kill me?" Yu's heart sank. The Earl's head turned to look Allen in the face and they were almost touching. A twist of jealousy struck Yu, which was immensely stupid and inappropriate... but he couldn't help it. He was a jealous bastard.

"No," Allen said and his voice rang out over the battlefield. "But this will. Too long have you remained in darkness."

He brought up his human hand and in it was a dagger. Yu started, recognizing it as his own one. _So that's where it went_... he realized, just as Allen sliced the Earl's neck.

It made sense, if Yu thought about it. The Earl might be the most powerful sorcerer in existence, but he was still human. Allen's sword didn't have any effect on humans, and on the Noah it had had the opposite effect. The Earl had been more like the Noah than just a normal human, so by hitting him with his sword Allen had taken a huge risk.

Magic and powers from God wouldn't kill God's creation, who was immune against such effect. But mortal means would.

The Earl gurgled. Blood sprayed over Allen, who ignored it. He twisted his sword and pulled it out of the Earl, leaving a gaping hole in his chest. The neck cleanly sliced, the Earl scrabbled at his throat and then, with a small push from Allen, fell from the sky.

Lavi was the first to cheer.

His whistling and undecipherable shouts stirred others out of their shock and then they were all cheering, screaming, shouting, crying, as the Earl began his long descent back into the world of light.

Yu was the only one who didn't join in, never taking his eyes off of the falling evil. He knew that Allen, too, was doing the same. Neither of them expected the Earl to go down without doing something else. It wasn't possible.

As it turned out, it really _wasn't _possible.

The samurai spotted it first. In the palm of the Earl's hand a white ball was forming, glowing brighter and brighter each second. The Earl's last attempt to kill; a chance to bring down his killer with him. Yu pushed past the still demons who were unsure of what to do now their beloved master seemed dead, but there were so many he found himself struggling to get there. Eventually he snarled and jumped on top of them, one after another until he got closer to where the Earl was falling.

"Kanda?!" he heard confused shouts call for him. He paid them no attention.

He had to stop whatever was going to happen from happening. He couldn't allow Allen to be killed, not now that victory was so close. If he could take the hit that was meant for Allen, he might be able to recover from it with his curse.

But fate had never kind to him.

"You're not going anywhere," Yu was caught and snagged in a bind by Tyki, the only remaining Noah. Tyki had tight grip of his arms and, no matter how much Yu struggled, in his weary and battered state he couldn't get his arms in the correct position to strike Tyki with his sword. "You're going to watch, and suffer." Tyki hissed into his ear, hot breath making a shiver go down Yu's spine.

"Get the fuck off of me," he spat, struggling in his grip. Tyki didn't reply and Yu only struggled harder. He managed to get his elbow in an odd position and elbowed Tyki in the stomach - only to find his elbow went straight through.

"Have you forgotten?" Tyki said, amused. "It's useless. You're useless, especially without your -" he was cut off by something. He let go of Yu who spun around and, now free to use his sword again, drove the Innocence through Tyki's stomach. Peering over the male he saw Lavi's hammer extended, also piercing Tyki's back, and realized his friend was the reason why he'd been set free.

"Kanda, go help Allen!" Lenalee snapped from on high. "We've got Tyki covered!"

Yu didn't look back as he turned to where the Earl was. He hurriedly tried to get higher and higher, but his time with Tyki had delayed him too much. He was still too far away when the Earl's glowing ball was set free and thrown up high. It moved so quickly Yu couldn't see it and far too quickly for Allen to dodge.

The teenager gave a shriek of pain. Yu twisted to him and saw a golden arrow pierce all the way through Allen's chest. As it left a small chain followed it and then the magical arrow circled around Allen's body, creating a golden binding originating from his chest.

"Bean sprout!" he yelled, putting on an extra burst of speed. He reached Allen just in time to catch him as the boy toppled over, blood spilling from pale lips. Catching his lover in his arms, Yu cradled him close as they tumbled to the ground, staring desperately into the pale face.

The chains glowed and then solidified into grey, dull metal chains, criss-crossing over Allen's chest. Their weight only increased the speed the two fell at. Yu growled, trying to break the chains off of Allen's chest with his sword, but it didn't do a thing. Allen gasped for breath and the ground grew closer and closer – and then they were caught. They kept falling several feet but at a much slower pace, so that when they hit the ground no injury was caused.

Yu didn't need to look to know who their saviour had been. Lenalee was the only one who could fly through the air, after all.

"Kanda, is he okay?!" she demanded, scrambling around him to kneel on Allen's other side. Yu glanced at her.

"Tyki?" he asked.

"Dead." she said and then she looked at Allen. Her face softened and she reached out to rest her torn hand against his bloody face. "Oh Allen... and we were so close to winning..." she whispered, voice breaking. Yu resisted the urge to slap her hand away, knowing she meant nothing by it. Instead he turned his gaze to the chains.

There had to be a way he could break them.

"L-Lena...lee..." Yu didn't look up, too busy tugging at the chains. They barely moved. He growled and reached for Mugen before trying to find a part of Allen's body that the chains didn't attach themselves to. _If I can break just one point...! _but unfortunately the chains clung tightly and there was no way to cut them without risk of accidentally cutting Allen too.

Not that he would cut Allen, obviously, he had more control than that - he had just wanted to reduce the risk to his boyfriend. He glanced back at Allen's face and paused when he saw Lenalee cupping it.

"Don't worry Allen, Kanda will have you free within a few minutes," she said soothingly, glancing at Yu. Behind her Lavi stood, fidgeting and worried. Yu forced away the jealousy and nodded darkly, turning back to the chains. He heard Lenalee start talking again, reassuring the younger boy.

Was he scared? Should it be Yu doing what she was?

Yu had never been fond of that sort of thing (actually, he always did really badly at it, and tended to avoid it whenever possible...). No, it was better he let the professionals do that. He wouldn't dare let anyone else, trust anyone else, to do what he had to do.

He didn't give any warning when he raised Mugen. He brought it down with one hand sharply, only to be forced backwards. He tumbled head over heels before scrambling to his feet. He smoothly made his way back and this time tightened his grip before bringing his sword down. The same thing happened.

"Why won't it break?" Lavi demanded, tripping over his feet in his haste to join Yu. "Let's hit it together, Yu!" he looked concerned... and slightly panicked. Yu grimaced and then nodded. Lenalee counted them in and then together they attacked the chains, trying to break it. The chains glowed and threw them away.

"Lavi, stay with him!" Lenalee ordered, standing. "Let me try."

Lavi counted Lenalee and Yu in, but even the combination of her Dark Boots and Mugen didn't work. Getting extremely pissed off now, Yu was about to let loose a string of swear words when Allen gasped painfully. Yu's gaze snapped to him and then he moved, falling to his knees beside Allen's head.

"K-Kand-da..." Allen breathed, eyes locking on him. "S... sorry..." he wheezed. Yu scowled darkly.

"Why the fuck are you apologizing? You defeated the Earl, we should be thanking you." he snapped.

"B-broke... the promise..." and then Allen started coughing fiercely. Yu's eyes widened slightly as the younger's frame shook, and then watched silently as blood spilled out of the other's mouth.

"Allen!" Lenalee shrieked. Allen turned to smile weakly at her.

"Don't... worry about... me..." he hissed from pain seconds later and Yu smacked his shoulder with a dark scowl.

"Don't talk. You'll make yourself worse," he ordered. Allen turned back to him and his smile widened slightly.

"Kanda... broke the promise..." he whispered. "Forgive me?" Yu went cold and then swallowed discreetly.

"Idiot,"" was the best his scathing wit came up with. Allen shut his eyes, obviously taking that as a yes. He relaxed slightly and Yu was shaking him before he knew what he was doing. "Don't go to sleep, we have to get this chain off of you." he snapped. Allen's eyes re-opened.

"You can't..." he whispered. Yu shook his head.

"I thought I was the one supposed to have little faith?" he snapped.

"Yu... he's right." a soft voice came from behind. All three teenagers turned, Yu twisting at the hip, to see the three remaining Generals had regrouped and were now watching the events unfold. Tiedoll was the one who had spoken, tears in his eyes and blood mixed with sweat dribbling down his face.

"Shut up old man, you know nothing." Yu denied. Tiedoll had always been good at pissing him off.

"He's under a curse Yu. It's the Earl's hidden technique, one he only uses when he _truly _wants revenge on someone." Tiedoll stepped forward a few more steps. "There is no surviving it."

"Tough. The bean sprout's going to survive," Yu pointed out, turning to look at the one trapped. Allen's chest shuddered, obviously finding it difficult to absorb air. "Don't you go around believing that bollocks either. You'll live."

"Kanda..." Allen said, looking so sad it almost broke Yu's heart. His scowl deepened.

"Don't say it!" he snapped. "You're going to live!"

"He's lucky to have survived for so long already," Nyne spoke what Tiedoll couldn't say because he was too choked over with tears. Yu turned to her.

"What do you know?! Allen's going to live-" his voice broke and he shut his mouth, refusing to look weak in front of these people. He turned back to Allen whose eyes were shut. His heart started to race. "Beansprout? Beansprout?!"

"The name's... Allen... pretty boy..." Allen wheezed, eyes fluttering open. "Don't forget it... okay?"

"Beansprout," Yu snapped. "You'll always be a beansprout. I don't even know the name 'Allen'."

"Yu..." Lavi whispered, coming up behind him. He rest a hand on his shoulder and Yu shrugged him off, refusing to accept comfort for something which _wasn't going to happen_.

It couldn't happen.

Not now they could finally live in peace.

"You're going to live, you hear me bean sprout?!" Yu snapped. Allen slowly shook his head, eyes shutting as another pain tremor wracked his body. He re-opened them and locked eyes with Yu.

"I love you..." he whispered, shutting his eyes. Yu's chest tightened and he suddenly couldn't breathe. It was the first time the other had ever said the words to him - a long time ago, Allen had admitted he wanted to save them for a special occasion - but this was hardly the special occasion Yu'd imagined.

"Beansprout? Beansprout?!" he demanded, shaking the other when he didn't respond. Allen remained limp in his arms. "Damn it, wake up! Allen!" he was yelling, he was sure, but he didn't care because Allen always paid attention when he called him by his name and he wasn't _this time _and why the hell couldn't life be so damn fair for once in awhile?!

"K-Kanda..." Lenalee sobbed, tears trickling down her own face. "He's g-" she choked on the word and, breaking down, she fell weeping into Lavi's embrace. The Bookman Junior had his own tears on his face, but Yu saw none of this. He couldn't tear his eyes off of the body in his arms.

"Wake up..." he whispered, shaking the smaller boy. "Please, Allen... don't leave me here alone..." his voice broke and he fought back the tears that wanted to fall. He squeezed his eyes shut, a failed attempt to stop the tears, and then bent down, pressing his lips against the still slightly warm ones. "I love you too, idiot beansprout..." he murmured against them, the first and last time he would ever say the words.

And then he moved his head until his forehead was rest against his love's chest, listening for a heartbeat he'd never hear again. His tears merged with the blood and sweat on Allen's uniform, the salty water cleansing the patch of clothing it landed on.

And like that they remained, broken remnants of something that shouldn't be nothing.

* * *

**A/N: **I was going to have it so Allen lived... and then found it didn't work. So instead of a happy story you get a really sad one. Which is odd, because I finished this just after I got back from a really happy outing so really the odds were it being more happy... sorry. Again, there's not much Yullen, sorry! -hides- I'll do my best tomorrow!


	3. Comfort

**Not Quite Paradise**

_Written by xmystorytime._

**Disclaimer: **If I owned this animé/manga... I'd've had more funny scenes between Cross and Allen. Alas, I don't and therefore won't get my wish. Sadly.

* * *

_[Comfort] Ice cream makes the best comfort food, but it doesn't solve the problems littering the apartment._

_--  
_

There was nothing on TV.

He sighed loudly, irritated. Day-time television always sucked; most channels had the best programs on in the evening, when people came back from school or work and wanted to sit down and relax and not think about their day.

Well, _he _wanted to sit down and relax and not think about his day too... only, he wanted to do it _now_, not wait until evening. _Now _was the time he was annoyed and _now_ was the time he wanted a distraction.

He'd had an _awful_ day, and it was only three in the afternoon! His day wasn't nearly over in the slightest, but the small pessimistic mood he was in made him wonder just how much worse his day could get. It probably would, knowing the laws of the universe. Once you start off with a bad day, the rest of it just falls in line.

The phone rang, making him jump. He let out a squeak, the remote falling out of his hands to tumble onto the floor. It crashed on the tiles and there was a loud smack, along with the sound of clattering.

The batteries had fallen out.

"For the love of-" Allen twitched, gritting his teeth. Leaving the batteries to roll happily across the floor, until they were caught and gnawed on by his larger-than-life cat Timcanpy, he tripped over his own feet as he tried to reach the still-ringing phone.

Managing to keep his balance, he successfully reached his destination and, slightly breathless, he picked up the receiver. The cord dangled uselessly below it. "Hello?" he said.

"_Allen?_" a female voice said, hesitantly. Allen's mood lifted slightly just from hearing her voice.

"Lenalee, it's good to hear from you," he said sincerely, moving the phone to his other ear. With his scarred hand he picked up the body of the telephone and then pulled it over, back to his armchair.

"_You too!_" Lenalee said as he was sitting down. "_It's been far too long! How are you?_" she was, of course, making reference to the fact that recently she and her brother had moved away, back to China where they'd originally grown up in. It had been an emotional parting but she still kept in touch every so often.

Time zones between England and China made things a little bit harder.

"I'm... good for hearing your voice," he eventually decided to say, good mood dropping a little. "I haven't had the best of days, so your call is perfect timing."

"_Oh! I'm sorry to hear that,_" she really did sound sorry. "_Do you want to talk about it?_"

"Not particularly," Allen said. "I've had enough of talking to last me a lifetime."

"_That doesn't sound at all promising,_" Lenalee said, a little quieter. "_Are you sure?_" Allen cracked a smile, warmed by her concern for him. However, she hadn't called to be the recipient of his bad day, although he knew she would gladly be an ear if he requested it.

"I'm sure," he said, making his voice sound lighter. His gaze wandered back to the TV, where cartoons were playing. "How have you been?" He watched in amusement as the mouse covered itself in 'vanishing' cream, becoming invisible to the cat chasing him.

Allen always felt sorry for the cat.

"_Really good actually! Of course I'm missing my friends dearly -_" Allen grimaced, remembering that she had once said she considered her friends her world. Komui had surely known it too, but they'd still moved away, still left him... like they all did, in the end... "_- but brother's been wonderful. He's trying so hard to make it feel like home and have me settle in, and I appreciate it, but it's not really working,_" she lowered her voice.

"Isn't it making it harder on you?" Allen queried. If he'd had to move like she had he wouldn't want anything of his past to come with him because it would just be another sore reminder of what had been.

"_Mm. But I can't exactly tell him that, can I?_" she sounded a little sad. Allen wished he was beside her, right then, if only so he could comfort her. "_Still, there's this old lady who lives down the road who's an absolute dear to me -_" and then she was off, rambling on about her life in China and all that had happened since they last talked

Allen listened intently, drinking in all the knowledge about his friend. Mostly, however, he just shut his eyes and listened to her voice. He had missed her far more than he realized, but he wasn't really surprised by that knowledge. She _had _been the first friend he'd ever made and they were each other's confidant. He missed going to her with his troubles. The ache in his chest, something that had already been quite large, just grew even larger.

"_... this one boy, who I try to avoid. He reminds me far too much of Kanda,_" Allen, who had previously been making noises when appropriate to show he was listening suddenly went quiet. The name struck an already sore chord in his chest.

He really hadn't wanted to hear the man's name at that point in time. "_Allen? Allen? Are you okay?_" Lenalee asked, concerned by his silence.

"I'm fine, Lenalee," he said, not wanting her to worry. His voice was a little distant, however, and she caught it like always.

"_No you're not. What did I say?_" there was silence as she tried to figure out what had upset Allen. Not wanting her to pick up on what had made his day extremely bad, he tried to reassure her.

"Don't worry, it's nothing, please, continue telling me about him," he urged. Lenalee made a small noise and then went quiet.

"_What did he do?_" she asked, not sounding surprised. Allen remained silent. "_Allen? What did that idiot do this time?_"

"It's nothing," Allen said, watching the TV as the cartoon ended and the adverts came on. "Just a stupid fight again, that's all."

"_That's the seventh one in the past few months!_" now, she sounded annoyed. More than likely at Kanda, because she had probably correctly assumed that it was all his fault. Again.

"Yeah, I know," Allen sighed. "He was just being a jerk, that's all." he didn't really like talking about his fight with Kanda. For some reason, he always felt like a girl when he confided to Lenalee about what had happened. He couldn't help it, but she refused to let him be. He'd given up protesting by now.

But that didn't mean he'd make it easy for her either.

"_Kanda's always a jerk,_" Lenalee agreed. "_Is it like the other times?_" Allen nodded and then remembered she couldn't see him.

"Yeah_,_" he said, quietly. "He accused me of cheating on him again when I came back late again and refused to listen to my explanation, before storming out for work this morning before I woke." or perhaps he would make it easy for her. Even thinking about it gave him a small sting in his chest. How could Kanda have such little faith in him? You didn't see Allen accusing him of cheating every time the other worked over-time!

"_Oh Allen, he really does love you, he's just... concerned. You have been working kind of hard with your new job,_" she sighed, mimicking him in tone. "_Just give him time, you know that at one point he'll come back and ask your forgiveness._"

"I know, but... I just get frustrated," he clenched his fist, nails digging into his palm. "I'll willingly give it but it just _annoys_ me. He knows I'm not, he just-" he cut himself off, exhaling loudly. They both fell silent.

"_You know what I think you should do?_" she finally broke it first.

"What?"

"_Eat ice cream._" Allen snorted, tipping his head back and gazing up at his murky ceiling.

"Just because I date a guy doesn't mean I'm a girl Lenalee," he said dryly. Ice cream was what girls did when they broke up with their boyfriend. He had neither broken up with his girlfriend nor was he a girl. It wouldn't be right.

"_No, honestly! It's the best comfort food you'll ever have! It's what I did when I broke up with Lavi,_" she said. "_Worked like a charm._" Allen rolled his eyes.

"No."

"_Allen!_"

"No."

"_Are you sure?_"

"Yes." there was a sudden horrendous crashing from Lenalee's side of the call. She shrieked in surprise and Allen jumped, deafened by her shout. He pulled the phone away from his ear and then to the other one again, rubbing his now-ringing ear. "What was that?!" he demanded.

"_S-sorry Allen, but brother's just tried to build another Komurin. Reever's trying to stop him - oh, darn, I'll call you back later!_" she sounded both sheepish and annoyed, but before Allen could reply she had hung up. Now greeted only by the beeping tone, he sighed and put the phone down on the floor.

Even if had only been for a short while, he felt a little bit more cheerful than before. Lenalee had always managed to do that to him.

He pushed himself out of the chair and, feeling peckish, meandered to the kitchen. Stepping into the small room he stepped over a discarded cereal box and glanced distastefully at the still-dirty dishes from the previous night. Someone should've washed them by now.

Oh well.

He stepped over to the fridge and took hold of the handle. He didn't open it, however, because he felt a sudden urge to go somewhere else. It wouldn't matter if no one else knew about it... right? Lenalee didn't think he would, and he'd finish it before Kanda came home, and Lavi was at work so there was no way he'd be dropping by, and Miranda and Krory never came by un-invited...

... his hand left the fridge and he shuffled sideways until he was stood in front of the freezer. A few tugs later it opened and he ignored the coolness that greeted him with practised ease.

"Ice cream... ice cream... where did we put the ice cream...?" he murmured, hunting around the bottom of the freezer, pushing aside the box of fishfingers. Eventually his fingers latched onto the big tub they had and with a slight grin he pulled it out. "Perfect." he said cheerfully and then went looking for a spoon.

He refused to think about his stubborn boyfriend for the next few hours.

--

He was dawdling.

There was no other word for it really. Maybe stalling. Perhaps reluctant, too.

It wasn't like it was his fault he didn't want to go in. The stupid beansprout had had it coming to him. He shouldn't be working so late anyway, what was Kanda supposed to think? It wasn't like it was _normal _for the idiot to work overtime, that was normally Kanda's job.

Except Kanda really had to work overtime if they wanted to pay the bills, whereas whenever Allen came back he always felt it necessary to inform Kanda on what he and _Marie _had done, what _Marie _had said, how kind _Marie _was because she had offered to stay on too so he would be able to come home earlier -

- he snarled, hands clenching tightly to the handles of his motorbike. Even thinking about it made his blood rise! That little whore, who he _knew_ had a thing for Allen despite what he said. Every time he heard her name he imagined wrapping his hands around her tiny neck (tiny, along with the rest of her body because what. the. hell. she _had _to starve herself to be that skinny).

And the bean sprout was blind to it!

Thinking of the person waiting in the house for him made all the anger disappear, finally being reminded of his predicament. Really, this was starting to become a familiar pattern. It wasn't the first time he'd blown up at Allen and then found himself trying to put off going inside. It had all started when the idiot finally got a job. They'd been perfectly happy before then.

He sighed, turning off the engine to the motorbike and letting the blessed silence fill the garage. He rest his elbows on the platform just in-between the handlebars and then his chin on his hands, shutting his eyes.

It was his own fault he was in this situation now. He had no one else to blame, however much he might want to.

He knew Allen hadn't been cheating on him, he did, he just – he just couldn't stop what came out of his mouth. He grimaced, re-opening his eyes and staring at the blank wall. The pained expression on Allen's face, the dull eyes and the quiet voice, replaced the image and he glanced down to Mugen (yes he'd named his bike, so what?).

Was he a man or wasn't he? He had to go in there. He had to ap-apol- (he couldn't say it, no), however much he might hate it. Then Allen would accept it and then force him to sit on their sofa and watch whatever the premiere of the night was (which was invariably some action/adventure movie which Kanda would poke holes in all the not-so-plausible action sequences while Allen curled up next to him and went to sleep).

At times like those, he didn't really mind having to put up with the movie.

Damn it, he felt like a bastard.

He inhaled, trying to firm his resolve, and then exhaled. He was Yu Kanda, he did _not _hide from anything and he owned up to his mistakes. It was something his foster father, Tiedoll, had drilled in him from a young age. He got up off of Mugen and brushed at his clothes, trying to get rid of invisible dust. Then he turned and walked out the garage, reaching up to pull it off its latch and then shut it. He pulled the keys out of his pocket and locked the door before turning and crossing over the grass until he was outside his front door.

Resolve firmly in place, he didn't hesitate as he unlocked and entered the house. Instantly he was greeted with raucous laughter from the television, along with a heart-warming warmth, and as he shut the door he let the familiar atmosphere sink over him, coat him like a blanket.

Everything would be alright now he was here. Now he was home.

He turned, pulling off his coat and revealing a crumpled, dark blue shirt. He unbuttoned the top few buttons, glad to finally be rid of the stuffiness, and lifted his chin slightly.

"Beansprout?" he called to the house and waited for a reply which would tell him where his boyfriend was. There was no response. He winced, understanding why, and then decided to put off the confrontation a little bit longer. Undoubtedly Allen would wait until Kanda apologized first; he always did.

He moved through the hallway, bypassing the living room in favor of the kitchen. On his way in he tripped and only quick reflexes saved him from falling face-first in the cat bowl. Hauling himself up from where he'd caught himself on the nearby worktop he turned to give a deep scowl to the thing responsible for tripping him up. Timcanpy, their rather large cat, flicked his tail and looked entirely too pleased with himself.

"Shut up," Kanda glowered at it before turning away and making his way to the cupboard on the other side of the room. The dirty dishes caught his eye and he raised an eyebrow. It wasn't often that Allen didn't wash up the plates.

Perhaps to make up for things, he would wash them up for him.

Wincing, knowing that the idea was pathetic when he should just go in, forget his pride and _a-a- _(damn he couldn't even say the word), he bent down, opened the cupboard and pulled out a chocolate bar. He was hungry, after all – he hadn't had a bite to eat all day. It wouldn't do for his stomach to rumble when he was trying to a-apolo...

He finished the chocolate bar and threw the wrapper in the bin and then found he no longer had any other way to stall. He didn't need the toilet, unfortunately, otherwise he'd have gone. Why was it nature called at the most inappropriate times and not when it was needed?

"Fuck this," he swore, finally getting frustrated with himself. He strode out the kitchen, neatly stepping over Timcanpy and made his way into the living room. Upon entering the room he paused, blinking.

Allen was asleep, but that wasn't what had caught his attention. What _had _caught his attention was the tub the younger male cradled, along with the discarded spoon beneath a limp, dangling hand and the ice cream that had melted and then dribbled its way to the phone.

It actually kind of looked like one big mess.

He sighed, stepping forward. His... _thing_ would be put off awhile longer, it seemed, not that he minded. He bent down, picking up the phone and then wiped off the ice cream on Allen's leg. Once it was relatively clean (he'd have to check later whether it still worked) he rest it on his boyfriend's lap and then picked up the spoon.

A quick visit to the kitchen later and he had a sponge and some kitchen roll. It was easy to mop up the ice cream and sponge at the tiled floor. The food had left a dark stain, but other than that things looked good. It would have been worse if they'd had carpet.

Shaking his head, quietly amused, he then moved to take care of Allen himself. He pulled the tub of ice cream (this, too, sloshed more like water now) out of Allen's arms and placed it on the floor, before putting the phone beside it. Now there was nothing that might hinder him he stood up and bent over, sliding his arms beneath Allen's armpits.

"You shouldn't fall asleep like this idiot," he murmured as he eased Allen out of the chair without waking him. "You're going to have such a painful neck when you wake..." once he'd got Allen nearer the edge of the seat he moved until he could slip an arm beneath his legs and behind his neck.

Allen was far too light when Kanda lifted him up. Kanda grimaced. "What have I told you about putting on weight?" he snapped to the sleeping boy, nudging Allen's left arm around his neck. "When you get blown over by a strong gust of wind I will _not _help you. I will, in fact, never let you forget it for the rest of your life and entertain myself immensely with the blackmail."

He was almost disappointed when Allen kept sleeping, but when the other shifted so his head was pressed closer to Kanda's neck and sighed contently, Kanda decided he shouldn't be so disappointed after all.

He turned and slowly left the room, slowly because he didn't want to knock into anything and wake Allen up. However, as they got further from the TV and the silence got the better of him he started to talk again. "Just why did you have ice cream anyway?" he grumbled. "I didn't even know we have any, and then I find you asleep after having eaten some. I ask again: why?" he snorted, nudging open the bedroom door.

"What are you, some kind of girl?" he let the door swing shut behind him as he entered the dark room. "Was it comfort food? Tell me it wasn't comfort food..." he laid Allen on the bed, achingly slowly, and then retrieved his arms. Once he had done so he crossed the room, turned on the light and then shut the curtains.

Once done he turned back to Allen and froze. Allen was no longer sleeping – instead he was blinking sleepy eyes at Kanda.

"K-Kanda...?" he asked, voice still lost in the threads of sleep. If the word had been in his vocabulary, Kanda would have called Allen 'cute' but because it wasn't, he had no way to describe how Allen looked right then other than it made him want to shield the other from the world.

"Go back to sleep," he said, a little roughly due to the painful tightening of his chest, and he turned away. He made his way to the door, intending to turn off the TV (saving electricity was always good) before returning. It was rather late, after all (yes Kanda had over-worked again, so what?) "You need it."

"Not as much as you do," Allen said quietly, making Kanda slow his pace. He reached the door and reached out to grip the handle. "Come back to bed."

"I'm just going to turn off that thing you call entertainment," he said, because it was Allen who had wanted the thing in the first place and because an attitude like that was the basis of their relationship.

"Don't bother," Allen said and Kanda heard the bed creak. He could hear his boyfriend as he got up off the bed and padded along the floor until he was stood behind Kanda. "Just – leave it. One night won't hurt," he whispered, close enough for Kanda to feel his body heat.

Kanda remained silent and then he felt Allen tip forward, resting his forehead against Kanda's shoulder blades. "Did you work late again?" he was quiet. It was like he was trying to treat it as a normal day. Kanda slowly let go of the handle.

"There were these papers..." he said, slowly turning around. Allen looked him in the eyes, face so open but closed, and Kanda slipped his arms around Allen's waist, pulling him to him. "It should be the last time I stay late this week though."

"Good," Allen whispered, reaching up to wrap his arms around Kanda's neck. It was a hug, but it wasn't tight. Kanda shut his eyes, leaning against the door, and tightened his grip on Allen's waist. His throat was burning with the urge to explain his actions, to tell Allen he hadn't meant any of the harsh words he'd said, to provide some measure of comfort for the both of them, because he refused to let it pass by.

He might not want to say it but Allen had no right to just accept it had happened and move on. Roles reversed, he wouldn't.

"I've been thinking," Kanda started off the top of his tongue. Allen shifted, getting more comfortable and Kanda shivered at the warm breath on his neck.

"Hm?" Allen prompted.

"We should have tomorrow off." Kanda himself was surprised with what he'd blurted out. Allen tensed in his arms and then pulled back, staring up at Kanda doubtfully.

"Are you sick?" he asked, removing one of his hands from behind Kanda's neck and resting it against his forehead. Kanda batted it away, scowling.

"No, beansprout, and if that's how you're going to act I won't suggest something like that again," Allen scowled.

"My name is Allen! Get it right!" he lowered his head again, returning to their previous position, and sighed softly. "For the record, that sounds like a good idea. We can go do stuff." Kanda shut his eyes at the hopeful tone, burying his nose in Allen's soft, white hair.

"Whatever you want," he said and decided that this was the best time to say it. "About this morning-"

"Don't," Allen shook his head against Kanda's collarbone. His hairs tickled Kanda's skin. "Don't ruin this moment, please." he begged, showing his wish for no more fights. Kanda frowned, thinking back over the few months and then his heart sank. It did seem that all he and Allen had done was fight. Shit.

When had things gone so wrong? He had to apo-apolo-

"I'm sor-" he got caught on the word, not allowing himself to say it and hating himself all the while. The half-formed word echoed through the room and Allen tensed slightly. "What I said I never meant. Nothing I said... I ever meant."

"But, you said..." Allen trailed off, slightly accusingly. Kanda shifted uncomfortably.

"I know what I said, but I never meant them," he said, slightly defensively. "You should know that by now."

"I'm sorry, but being accused of _cheating_ doesn't really put me in a good mood!" Allen snapped back, pulling out of their embrace. He glared at Kanda and Kanda glared back, opening his mouth to point out that it was Allen who did nothing about that whore Marie when she clung to him -

- and then caught on.

All anger went out of him and he slumped his shoulders, saying nothing. Allen's glare faded and then they stood in an awkward silence. Kanda found himself cursing that they were in this state, that he had no idea how to fix this. Just when had every conversation become an argument? Just how quickly had things managed to deteriorate and he not notice?

"I'm sorry," Allen finally said and Kanda envied him. How could he say something like that so easily? He probably hadn't even hesitated, and yet Kanda couldn't even think the damn word. "We'll take tomorrow off. Have the day to ourselves." Kanda nodded, liking that plan.

But what he liked the thought of even more...

Fuck the world. Fuck everything. All that mattered was what stood in front of him, staring at the floor with downcast eyes.

He stepped forward, surprising Allen. He deftly stepped to the side and before Allen knew what had happened, picked him up and threw him on the bed. Then he pulled off his shirt and joined Allen, leaning over him and preventing him from escaping. "Kanda?" Allen asked hesitantly.

Kanda didn't reply, instead he bent down and kissed Allen roughly, moving to cup the back of his head with his hand. Only when he needed to breathe did he pull back, leaving Allen slightly dazed, and then he moved to press light kisses down the other's neck.

He might not be able to say it verbally, but he said it in every kiss, every touch, every way he worshipped the body beneath him.

He could only pray that Allen heard how much he meant it.

* * *

**A/N: **Look, more Yullen for you people! Apologies on the last chapter, it should be the only sad one I'm writing... but then I completely planned this story a different way so I can't promise that. This one is basically no exorcists, no demons, just a couple trying to get through some hard times. Which I have no experience in, so I don't know if I got it right or not. Here's hoping. See you next time!


	4. Gift

**Not Quite Paradise**

_Written by xmystorytime._

**Disclaimer: **If I owned this animé/manga... I'd've had more funny scenes between Cross and Allen. Alas, I don't and therefore won't get my wish. Sadly.

* * *

_[Gift] Allen doesn't really understand Valentine's Day, but a kiss from Kanda turns his world upside-down._

_--_

Allen had been at the Black Order Headquarters for a relatively long time now.

He was pretty positive that he knew each tradition the building held, had come to believe he knew the general events of day-to-day-life. This place never seemed to make a fuss of any day except for Christmas, and he knew he'd remember that party for a very long time to come. (Each time he thought about it, phantom pain made itself known and he would have to quickly excuse himself.)

He was also pretty positive he'd seen his fair share of insanity. He'd survived several months at the Asian Branch HQ after all, and it was definitely crazier there with Bak Chan and Wong than it was at the main HQ in London. The only person here was kind of worried about was Komui, but even then he gave a warning when he was going to unleash his weirdness on the world (a period of silence from him was generally greeted with panic).

But this... this was a _whole _new way of looking at things.

With Mana, his beloved father, he hadn't bothered to keep track of any date except for Christmas. He still had the very first gift he'd ever recieved, given to him by his father, tucked up safe - even if it didn't fit anymore. When he'd been with his master, he hadn't had time for anything at all because he'd been too busy trying to work off his master's debt to even think about why people were celebrating around him.

Now, at what was considered home, he found himself becoming aware of... _other _days which people celebrated. Although, perhaps 'becoming aware' was a politer version of the phrase 'shoved in his face' because as far as he knew, he had _not _been warned about this.

"W-why... is the room pink...?" he said hesitantly and nervously as he stared into the cafeteria. It seemed the room had been completely re-painted over night. The grey walls had been swiped with pink, although grey streaks could still be seen; there were heart-shaped tablecloths and light pink napkins on each table, and even on the other side of the room he could see the very large pile of pink heart-shaped cakes being made.

"Allen!" The albino squeaked as someone tackled him and sent him stumbling to the side as they wrapped arms tightly around his neck. "Soooo, whaddya think? Pretty cool, huh?" Allen managed to twist in his attacker's grip and, once he saw the person, stared at him in disbelief.

"You did this?!" he demanded of Lavi, eyes wide. _I knew Lavi was weird, but even this is a new low. _Lavi barked a laugh and let go of Allen, before slapping him on the shoulder with a blink... or wink, depending.

"Naw, but I know who did," he grinned cheerfully. "Komui and Jerry do this every year. They get together and set out to, ah... educate? No..." he trailed off, trying to think up the word to describe just what it was Komui and Jerry did. Allen stared at him nonplussed, trying to figure out why Komui and Jerry would decide that everything needed to be pink and coming up with nothing.

"Is there a special occasion?" he eventually asked, and Lavi blinked at him with his one visible eye.

"You're kidding, right?" he asked, looking like he wanted Allen to say yes. Unfortunately, Allen shook his head and Lavi sighed dramatically before reaching out to take hold of Allen's shoulder. He shoved the younger boy down, patting his head like one would a child. "Jeez, you're really naïve sometimes Allen."

This was not the first time he'd been called it, and he was getting pretty sick of that word.

"Sorry," Allen said, a little annoyed but trying hard to keep it out of his voice. It wasn't like he tried to be ignorant. _Just because I don't keep track of dates doesn't mean I'm stupid... _but his annoyance eased when Lavi grinned and rubbed his hands together. It was obvious Lavi hadn't meant anything by it, judging by his glee.

"Great! I get to be teacher!" he said happily and Allen pulled a face. He'd been tutored by Lavi once before and had no desire to repeat it. "Today's Valentine's Day Allen!" Allen blinked, wondering why the name rang a bell in his brain.

"Isn't that... a day for love?" he said hesitantly and Lavi looked disappointed.

"Damn, I was hoping to teach you about that too," he said. Feeling bad, Allen scrambled to assure Lavi that while he might know what it was about he didn't know why it was here, or why everyone was making a fuss about it, and Lavi brightened. "Because everyone needs a bit of love in their life Allen!"

"... that's so cheesy," Allen said, rolling his eyes and turning away. "If you're gonna be this excited the whole time I think I might go back to bed."

"You can't!" Lavi caught his wrist and tugged him back until Allen was pressed uncomfortably close to the red-head. Lavi wrapped his arm around Allen's shoulders, gesturing to the inside of the cafeteria where a lot of people were already eating. "You'll miss out on all the meal specials! You'll miss out on the warm, chewy cookies, the soft, buttery cake, the mouth-watering smells of chicken..." he lowered his voice seductively.

Allen's stomach growled and he flushed, hands going to clutch at the annoying feature to his body. Damn it, how did Lavi know how to do that? Was he really that transparent? He glanced at Lavi, who was watching him innocently, and he snorted.

Stupid Bookman.

"Alright, alright, I won't go to my room just yet," he gave in and made Lavi cheer. Before he realized what was happening he found himself being steered through the room, towards the counter, and deciding that just this once he'd let Lavi take control. It was rather amusing to watch him act like he was king anyway – he seemed to be taking the role of 'teacher' a bit too seriously. "Lavi, I _can_ order what I want for myself you know." He was ignored, unsurprisingly.

It was only when they'd sat down at an empty table that Lavi continued their conversation.

"You can't spend the entire day hidden in your bedroom! How are you going to get any gifts that way?!" Allen frowned, reaching for his glass of water and taking a few gulps.

"Gifts?" he asked, blinking a few times. "I don't want any gifts."

"What you want doesn't matter," Lavi waggled his eyebrows. "On Valentine's day, you give the person you love something special. Usually it's a card, for the less brave of us it's an anonymous card. Who do you love?"

"... something special?" Allen said doubtfully. "If the person means so much you'll give them somthing special, why do you need a specific day to give it? It should be given at any time!"

"You're missing the point Allen!" Lavi waved his hands above his head, suddenly exasperated. "This is the day that everyone finds that someone special, that you can be as love-sick as you want, that-"

"When you say someone you love, does that mean family? Then what if you love more than one person?" Allen didn't pay Lavi any attention, instead resting his head on his hand and frowning at the space in front of him. He thought over his friends and paled at the amount of money he'd have to spend if he bought every single one of them a gift. It'd be like Christmas all over again – only a little less pointless.

"No no no! This is romance only!" Lavi said. "This is a day for couples! To have and to hold, to love and to-"

"What about those who don't have anyone to love?" Allen interrupted, feeling sorry for those who wouldn't have anyone to hold. "How do you think they feel if everyone around them is celebrating their love and they're there with nothing to give or receive?" Lavi seemed to deflate a little at that.

"Well, you see, uh..." he stuttered, trying to find a comeback. The albino waited patiently. "Well, then they're just unlucky! They'll have love next year!" Lavi eventually decided that was it and nodded firmly, before tucking into the meal in front of him. Allen sighed, recognizing it as a tactic for ending the conversation, and started to eat his own meal.

Maybe he just hadn't had the right teacher (he would make sure to tell Bookman that his pupil was lacking in his ability to teach) but he didn't understand this concept of Valentine's Day. A day for couples to give each other gifts? What made it different from any other day? If Allen gave the person he loved a gift, he wouldn't wait until this one day to do so, he'd give the gift when he had it.

People were strange, he decided. No wonder Mana and Master hadn't bothered with these events.

"So, anyway. I was speaking to Marie, and he's planning to go into town today to buy a present," Lavi swallowed a bit of food. Allen jerked out of his thoughts, frowning at Lavi. "He wants me to go with him, to find the perfect present."

"Who's he buying it for?" Allen asked. Lavi grinned and leaned in, lowering his voice.

"Miranda, but don't tell anyone I told you," he cackled. "You'd be surprised how many people have unwittingly revealed who they're giving valentines to. Most people I know are going into town to buy a present, or to have a day out. Of course, you have to wonder who they're giving it to, seeing as there's so few females here..." he trailed off with a frown. "Do you think some could be gay?"

"Allen?" Allen turned, pleased someone had interrupted them before Lavi started suggesting other odd things, and a smile settled on his features when he spotted Lenalee stood behind him. She had her hands clasped behind her back and there was an amused, perhaps mischievous, smile on her face.

"Lenalee!" he said cheerfully. "How are you?"

"I'm alright," a strand of hair fell over her eyes and she flicked it back into place with one hand, keeping the other behind her back. Slowly, Allen became aware of a sudden hush and people glancing at them. Some had grins on their faces, others were inching warily away – Allen glanced to Lavi, who looked as perplexed as him.

"Is something the matter?" Allen asked, glancing back at Lenalee, suddenly nervous. She laughed and shook her head, eventually moving both her hands from behind her back.

"I've something for you," she said, smiling. In her open hands sat a small, wrapped gift. It wasn't signed but by the way Lenalee was holding it, she implied it was for him. The hall slowly grew silent and, should someone have dropped a pin, it probably would have been heard.

Allen swallowed, reaching out to take the item from Lenalee. He was confused – Lenalee was giving him a present? Lavi had said only couples or people in love gave presents... did that mean Lenalee loved him?! He snapped his gaze back to her, about to ask her to clarify - and found a white coat obstructed his view.

"LENALEE!" Komui wailed, bawling loudly as he hugged his sister tightly. (Where he'd come from, no one knew.) "My sweet, innocence Lenalee! How could you do this to me?!"

"Brother?!" Lenalee said annoyed, trying to get out of his grip. "What are you on about? Let go of me! Brother!"

"No... no... my precious Lenalee isn't to blame. She's innocent! But you..." Komui was obviously ignoring Lenalee's protests, like usual. The temperature in the room suddenly dropped several degrees as the chief supervisor glared at Allen. "It's _your_ fault. You corrupted her!"

"What?! I didn't do anything!" Allen said, panicked. _All I did was sit here! I knew I should have gone back to my room! _The last thing he wanted, or needed, right now was for Komui to overreact and try to attack him, like he had so many times before (and usually resulted in the destruction of some part of HQ). "I didn't know anything about this!"

"You're lying! You forced my poor Lenalee to give you a present and now you're planning to take her away and ruin her innocence! I know your type Allen Walker!" Komui was doing a mixture of sobbing and yelling and, fearing for his life, Allen inched backwards.

"Brother, stop, if you would just listen-" Lenalee struggled.

"I don't know what you're on about!" Allen tried one last time. Komui suddenly quietened, and when he next looked up there was a terrible gleam in his eyes. A gleam that Allen recognized all too well.

"Komurin! We must destroy the threat to Lenalee!" Komui ordered, whipping out a remote from his pocket, and Allen decided that yes, he was a coward.

"This way Allen!" Lavi yelled from a gap in the crowds and Allen took the route Lavi offered. It gave him a direct access to the outside and he didn't hesitate to flee the room, dash down the corridor and seek safety in the best place possible.

Where the hell was the best place possible?!

He scrambled to the stairs and took them two at a time, soon growing short on breath. He climbed up four floors, until he was far away from all the noise down below, and then decided that he would just sit down for awhile and rest. He slumped against the wall, out of sight to anyone casually glancing, and slid down until he was sat on the ground. He tried to calm his breathing, willing himself to believe that the danger had passed. They wouldn't look for him here for awhile; he was safe.

He tightened his hands into a fist absent-mindedly, only to realize he couldn't. Startled, he glanced down and realized he was still holding the small gift that Lenalee had given him.

His stomach curled as he tried to understand what it meant. Did Lenalee love him? He considered her his best friend, yes, and he loved her but he wasn't sure he loved her like _that_... but he didn't want to hurt her! Seeing Lenalee cry was his worst nightmare of all! But... maybe it was like Alllen had said earlier. Valentine's Day was a day of love, and wasn't there love between friends? That was probably it. Lenalee was probably being kind, and he'd just been the first of her friends she'd given a gift too.

Comforting himself with that thought, he set about pulling off the simple ribbon tied around the plain white box. He was just about to pull off the lid when he heard footsteps approaching. His heart pounded slightly, fearing Komui and his Komurin.

"What the fuck are you doing up here beansprout?" Out of the frying pan, into the fire.

Allen slumped, exhaling in relief when he realised it wasn't Komui... and then gave a wry smile as he wondered whether Kanda was any better.

"I felt like taking a walk," he lied, shaking his head ruefully and looking up at his fellow exorcist. "Though I'm surprised to see you here." Kanda was scowling darkly as he came to a halt just beside Allen's feet.

"Who did you expect, idiot?" Kanda snapped and Allen suddenly remembered this was the floor Kanda slept on. _Huh. Fancy that. _"What the hell's that?" Kanda caught sight of the gift in Allen's hands, and the albino flushed. Realising it was just another point of embarrassment from his enemy, he tried to hide it but was too slow. Kanda snatched the box right out of his hands, smirking. "Did the idiot beansprout actually get a gift?"

"Give it back Kanda!" Allen scowled, scrambling to his feet and reaching for his present. Kanda's smirk widened as he held the box high, out of reach for Allen. Allen glared as he struggled to reach it, getting far closer to Kanda than he originally intended. "Give it back pretty boy!"

"Or what?" Kanda taunted.

"Or... or I'll do this!" Allen said and then tackled the other, sending them back against the railing. He slapped Kanda's arm and tried to catch the box as it fell - only to fumble. It bounced off his fingers onto Kanda's shoulder, then over the railing and down into the darkness below.

Allen very nearly fell over the rail in his attempt to catch it, and would have had Kanda not seen what happened and grabbed hold of the back of his shirt and slipped an arm around his waist. He watched the gift disappear forever and then all the fight went out of him. Allen slumped against the railing, resting all his weight on it and sighing loudly. "You can let go of me now Kanda," he said dully, knowing he was safe.

The grip on his back eased but the arm didn't move. Allen blinked, realising this, and twisted to see Kanda's face. "Kanda?"

"Who gave you that gift?" Kanda asked, not meeting Allen's eyes. Allen blinked, not really caring to answer because _Kanda hadn't let go of his waist_.

"Does it matter?" he started, annoyed. "It's not like I'm going to see what's in it now that you _lost it_-"

"Who gave you the fucking gift?!" Kanda interrupted, eyes narrowing and Allen huffed, painfully aware Kanda _still hadn't let go_.

"I got it from Lenalee," he admitted after a pause and he felt Kanda stiffen - in surprise, Allen assumed as he continued. "She gave it to me at breakfast and then Komui came and tried to kill me so I ran!"

"You think it's from Lenalee?" Kanda's voice went dangerously low. Allen shifted his weight from one foot to the other, wondering why he had got used to Kanda's arm around his waist so quickly. It felt... right, almost, and how weird was that? "Do you want it to be from her?" Although he hated to admit it, Allen knew he could be rather... _blind _at times. But even he could tell his answer to this question would determine some future fate he could have.

He wanted to try and put it off, not fond of making big decisions, and opened his mouth to demand why it was Kanda's business when he locked eye with the other. His mind went blank as he stared into them, seeing emotions he couldn't explain or recognise there. He swallowed, suddenly feeling hot and clammy, and broke eye contact, glancing away.

"W-well, Lenalee's like a sister, so, um, so it'd be weird-" he stumbled, in a good imitation of Miranda. "Plus, there's K-Komui and, well, uh..." he trailed off as he felt Kanda relax slightly. "Why? Was it important?"

"How would you feel if I told you that I knew who had given you the gift?" Kanda suddenly felt a _lot _closer. Allen swallowed, heart pounding in anticipation, but he didn't know why. "What if I told you that Lenalee had just been delivering?"

"Ah, it'd-uh-de-depend on who, uh," Allen swallowed, positive that Kanda was decreasing the distance between them and wondering why he wasn't moving away. "I-I mean-"

"What if I told you..." Kanda gave a squeeze of his waist and, surprised, Allen looked to Kanda's face. He found himself unable to breathe as he realized there was hardly any space in-between them. He could feel the other's hot breathe mingling with his own and, damn it, he wasn't pulling away. Why wasn't he pulling away? "... it was me who sent that gift?"

Lips pressed lightly on his own.

Allen couldn't breathe, couldn't think - he was so surprised he could only stand there as Kanda gave him a tender kiss.

The pressure was suddenly gone. Kanda pulled away from him and, when they broke contact, Allen felt colder than he had been in his life. There was an awkward silence on the corridor as Allen stared at Kanda, not sure how he was supposed to respond to that. Kanda, too, seemed unable to move, as if waiting for Allen to be the first.

He hadn't even considered the thought before. Not with any of his friends, or co-workers, but _especially _not with Kanda. But then, hadn't he once heard something about there being a fine line between love and hate? Kanda made him feel things no one else did, but he'd always assumed it was because he'd never met anybody who was so _bloody irritating _as the male before him.

In all honesty, the prospect of doing that again... was something he wasn't adverse to. He wasn't experienced in kissing, but even if he had just been standing there... it had still felt kind of nice. Even if it was Kanda.

His stomach flopped. Maybe... because it _was _Kanda.

"Beansprout?" Allen blinked, swallowing heavily as Kanda waved a hand in front of his face. His lips tingled and his brain felt a little fuzzy, but it cleared when he saw the other was smirking. Kanda had their air of someone who'd just made an important decision, but Allen's voice was was stolen by the soft look in the other's eyes. "I knew I kissed good beansprout, but not that good. You can hardly form a sentence."

Wait, what?

"K-Kanda-" Allen stuttered.

"I'd thank you for being a test subject, but that was as disgusting for me as it was for you, so let us never do that again." Kanda continued as if Allen hadn't spoken. "If I can make the person I hate most speechless, I'm positive I'll be fine."

"Hey, wait, I was-?" Allen spluttered when he understood what Kanda was saying. "You mean you used me?"

"Of course," Kanda shrugged. "Surely you didn't think I actually _liked _you?"

"I don't know what I thought, but I had thought maybe-" Allen cut himself off and crossed his arms, glaring darkly at Kanda. "It doesn't matter what I thought. Go bog off already, it's not like I care." Yet why was his heart aching now, each time he thought of Kanda with someone else?

"I don't need your blessing, bean sprout," Kanda rolled his eyes and turned, hiding his face from view. "If I see Komui I'll tell him where you are, by the way."

"You wouldn't dare!" Allen clenched his hands into fists. Kanda merely waved a hand carelessly in the air, already walking away. "K-Kanda! Get back here!" Allen called after the disappearing figure.

Kanda didn't come back, of course, and Allen was left alone in the corridor.

He swallowed, a hand slowly going up to press on his lips, and remembered the warm feeling he'd had earlier. His mind was a mess, his heart was aching too, he felt weak and shaky – perhaps he would be best to go to his room and lie down for a bit.

It was typical of Kanda to go and mess up his life.

Focusing on the anger that came with the thought, he pushed aside any sort of feelings he didn't recognize and let the anger be his shield. As he stormed down the corridor, already shouting mental curses at his enemy, he wondered why he suddenly felt like he'd made the wrong decision, like he'd lost a once in a lifetime chance.

But then... he hadn't had the chance to decide, had he?

He wrapped his arms around his waist, suddenly feeling drained.

Sleep would be good. Everything would look better in the morning. It always did, even if he never believed that.

* * *

**A/N: **Yes, I am a loser. I totally missed the deadlines by like... over a month. But hey, they ARE coming! Have faith! This -was- going to end kind-of-happily, but then I thought it was too much like my chapter one shot so I changed it. I kinda hate this one, but what can you do? Anyway. Sorry for the delays. Enjoy!


	5. Playground

**Not Quite Paradise**

_Written by xmystorytime._

**Disclaimer: **If I owned this animé/manga... I'd've had more funny scenes between Cross and Allen. Alas, I don't and therefore won't get my wish. Sadly.

* * *

_[Playground] "When I die, I'm going to get my own star." The thoughts of a street kid convince Yu that, actually, accepting the strange man's offer might be a good thing after all.  
_

_--_

An owl hooted from its perch in the trees, sharp eyes searching for any small scurry of a mouse beneath it. A small wind blew, shifting a discarded newspaper and sending it drifting lazily down the street. The moon shone down, lighting up the street intermittently, for a cloud would often come over and send the world into darkness once more.

He loved the night.

The world always looked so different, so exciting. What was usually a clean, empty and boring street turned into the most dangerous place to be, with dark corners and danger lurking around any corner and the faint light from the nearby house windows casting flickering shadows that, with a child's imagination, could be taken for a figure.

Usually, Yu Kanda tried to spend every night outside – at least for a few hours. It could be in his garden, or on the street, or in the car coming back from another boring work dinner. Yet tonight, instead of being outside to feel the danger that his ordinary life couldn't bring, he found himself outside trying to sort out his thoughts.

He had always found it easier to think in the dark rather than in the light. In the dark, things could be done that would seem unthinkable otherwise. In the dark, wrong became right and, sometimes, necessary. He needed that blur of the lines to try and help him figure out what he should do.

"_I have a preposition for you, young man."_

The words of the strange man who had saved him from the monster earlier echoed around his head, distracting him from the outside world. He chewed his lip, not sure whether he should take what he'd been told for granted. He had always been considered a smart child, never one to be accused of gullible or possibly mis-lead. He'd seen the monster, so he was pretty convinced the stranger had spoken at least some truth.

"_You have talent, the most I've seen in a very long time."_ Of course he had talent. Everyone said it, they all said he'd become something brilliant. He had always known he was talented, he just never knew his unnatural quirk could be put to use in the way the stranger said. For something good.

Working to save the world sounded... important. But he hadn't really noticed the world needed saving.

"_We need you."_ Did they really need him? Why? He was only ten. He might have been well-educated, he might have a lot of money, he might not have to worry about parental supervision but he was still a child. In his experience, adults never paid attention to children's opinions, their maturity; they assumed that all children needed protecting. Wouldn't everyone else say it was wrong to have children fight in battles?

"_Please._"

Could he really leave everything behind to go and fight monsters with a sword, like the heroic knights Mary in his class always swooned over?

**SQUEAK**.

He jerked, neck snapping back as he was forcibly tugged out of his thoughts. For a few seconds he didn't recognize where he was and almost panicked; but then he saw the dark shapes and relaxed, knowing where he was. He then felt like laughing at the irony. While he'd been lost in his thoughts his feet had lead him to the playground he always tried to avoid.

He didn't come here often. He had classes, his parents always said, and he had to keep up the family honour. He couldn't be seen playing on them like some common child when he could be spent becoming their pet genius. They never put it like that, of course, but that was how it had eventually been translated.

The squeak came again. Recognizing now that he wasn't alone, the young boy pivoted on his heel towards where the noise came from. It didn't take long to realise one of the swings was moving back and forth, which meant someone had to be pushing it. If he focused, he could hear a faint scuff as feet hit the dirt, along with the occasional huff of laughter.

He hadn't really encountered other people who had come out to play before. What kind of idiot would be out here playing at this hour?

Yu Kanda stepped closer to the swings, making no attempt to be quiet. His feet crunched on gravel and he saw the figure's head turn to him. Yu didn't stop walking until he was stood in front of the swing, and the person, and was staring mutely down into the face of a child who looked to be no older than than five.

The child stared up at him, blinking once. There was innocence in those eyes, an overwhelming amount of it, but there was also a sharp gleam that reminded Yu of a hawk. The boy seemed to be silently asking something but the older boy had never been good at deciphering looks. He had no clue what it meant, so he ignored it.

"Do you know how stupid it is to stay out at your age?" he eventually said, frowning. The boy blinked, obviously not expecting that to be the first thing said. "There's lots of bad things in the world. You could be killed." This drew a merry laugh out of the other. It danced in the air, echoing around Yu and the older boy flushed in embarrassment. Was he being laughed at? "What's so funny?"

"You're out here," the other answered with a better speech pattern than Yu was expecting. He sounded both amused and older than he looked, oddly enough. "You're not that much older than me. How come it doesn't apply to you?"

"I can take care of myself," Yu answered, feeling for the small dagger he always carried on him. The stranger had said it would be replaced with something much better, and he remembered the sword that had gleamed and called to him.

"So can I." The younger boy smiled and then leapt off of the swing, straightening. He only came to Yu's chest and said boy stared down at him, not believing him for a moment. If he went by looks alone, most likely a strong wind would be able to knock this midget over. The small boy turned away, obviously intending to go and play on something else, but Yu didn't want the conversation to end like that. He didn't think he could let something happen to someone that young when he could've done something about it.

He reached out and snagged hold of his elbow, holding the boy in place.

"I'm not kidding," he said, trying to make his voice sound like how his father spoke. "You should go home before anything happens to you." He knew first hand what could happen, had experienced it a few times, but he could defend himself. The child in his grip turned and, with a peculiar smile, peeled off Yu's fingers one by one.

"I have no home," he said, voice holding only a hint of sadness. The words struck Yu more than a slap ever could. "So don't worry. I'll be fine."

Deeming that the end of the conversation the midget turned and walked away. Yu watched him leave, feet seemingly frozen in the spot. It wasn't something he'd really considered before, not having a home. He didn't like his house much but at least when he wanted warmth, food, rest, he had somewhere to go. How could the boy not have something like that?

"Aren't you coming?" he blinked, looking to see the midget sat on top of a climbing frame. The moonlight shone above him and illuminated messy brown hair that hung past his ears, along with a blinding smile from slightly crooked teeth. "You can here to play, right? Why don't we play together?"

"I didn't come here to play." Yu replied, thinking over the reason he'd been wandering around. Once more he found himself at a loss on what to choose, whether to go or to stay, to save or to stay safe... the smile on the other's faded. For a moment disappointment was obvious but that soon faded into curiosity.

"Then why are you here?" the other asked, leaning against the side of the rail and looking perfectly at ease. Unsure why Yu stepped forward until he was at the bottom of the apparatus and craning his neck back to look up at the smaller boy. He didn't really want to explain why, not sure he could put it into words, and searched for something else to say.

"What's your name?" he blurted out before he could think. He winced straight after, knowing that now he'd ask he would probably have to reciprocate, which would mean laughter from how strange his name was. The boy disappeared and there was the sound of bare flesh slapping gently against metal. Suddenly the boy reappeared, now much closer to Yu, and smiled softly.

"I like the name Allen. What's yours?" he asked, wriggling his bottom slightly and getting comfortable. Yu wondered if the words meant Allen wasn't his real name, and then found himself wondering whether Allen even knew his real name. There was something infinitely sad about not knowing his own name.

"It's Yu," he muttered, a little ashamed. What had his parents been thinking when they'd named him anyway? Did they want him to suffer? Allen broke out into a grin and Yu pulled a face. "Stop laughing, it's not funny.

"I'm not," the boy said, a grin still splitting his face. His tone was sincere, however. "I think Yu is a brilliant name. I might just steal it." Yu's mouth opened and shut, not sure what to say to that. Someone wanted his name? His awful name? Well, they were welcome to it.

"You can have it," he muttered.

"Great! You can be Allen from now on and I'll be Yu." Allen laughed and pulled backwards into a sitting position. "So, Allen, aren't you going to come play with me?"

"I said I didn't come here to-"

"But you're already here, aren't you?" Allen interrupted, blinking big, silver eyes. "So come play. Or are you scared?" His eyes twinkled with mischief and Yu scowled. He hated it when people accused him of being a coward.

"I'm not scared!" he declared and then reached out, pulling himself up through the bars. It didn't take long to be next to Allen and, smirking triumphantly, he stared at Allen. "See? Not scared at all." His look fled when Allen blew a raspberry at him.

"That's nothing. If you really want to prove you're not scared you'll have to go to the very top!"

With that challenge he was off, moving from bar to bar like a monkey. Yu watched him going, heart rate increasing slightly in nerves. It was obvious that Allen did this regularly, but Yu didn't remember doing it once in his life. From his position the top looked so very far away and high. Not to mention, if someone saw him up there he would look so stupid...

"I guess you really must be scared, huh?" Yu twitched.

"Just wait and see! I'll show you!" he snapped.

"Scaredy-cat! Scaredy-cat!" Allen taunted from his position high above. Yu snarled and gripped the next bar. He might lose pride playing this stupid game but he'd lose even more if he let himself continue to be called a scaredy-cat. Cats were good animals to be compared to, but not when it came in partnership with being scared.

He hadn't ever been a scaredy cat in his life and he wouldn't start now!

It was hard at first. He had always thought himself as pretty flexible, but weaving in-between the bars and keeping himself supported was something different entirely. This climbing was a skill that children usually grasped when they were younger but he hadn't had a chance to do so, so he had seemingly been thrown in the deep end. But he made do and, eventually, found a technique that worked. Once he had, he found himself moving much faster.

Even so, it felt like forever before he was beside Allen, panting and feeling triumphant for making it to the top. His limbs were a little sore and his teeth still throbbed from the one time he'd slipped and clanked them together painfully, but he had done it.

Pleased, ready to brag to Allen that he was _not _a scaredy-cat, he turned to the other and found the words didn't make it further than his throat. The smaller boy was no longer watching him. At some point he had turned to lie on his back and gaze up at the night sky with a soft smile on his face. His hands were rest behind his head, making a make-shirt pillow. It didn't look comfortable.

"I'm not a scaredy-cat," Yu finally managed to say and Allen's eyes drifted to him. The smile widened slightly.

"I know. But don't you feel good now that you're up here?" Suddenly realising this had been the other's plan all along, Yu fell into a sulk. He resolutely remained silent and Allen didn't disturb it from him either. Eventually Yu got bored of fidgeting and shifted so he was lying next to Allen, mimicking his position. The position was surprisingly comfortable.

There was a sigh from his companion. "Do you ever watch the stars?" Seeing no reason to lie, Yu shrugged.

"Watching the stars is boring and a waste of time," he answered, staring up at the sky and seeing nothing pretty. "There's nothing special about them."

"I like the stars." Allen said plainly. Clearly, Yu's opinion didn't matter to him.

"Good for you," Yu muttered, a little put out. He wasn't used to his opinion being so easily discarded. Yet he couldn't stay like it for long because there was something soft, serene about the position he was in. It all felt so surreal, like a dream. Was he really here?

"Every night, I come here and look at them. Sometimes I see people, other times I see things." Allen's tone turned wistful. "Mostly I wonder if my mum and dad are up there. I don't believe that they abandoned me, not without a good reason." Yu swallowed, knowing that Allen was probably kidding himself.

The sad thing was, Allen probably knew that too.

"Do you think, when people die, they become stars?" Yu snorted before he could stop himself.

"Impossible. When people die they go into the ground and decompose. The End." He'd learnt that in class and it made the most sense. Still, no one really knew why the stars were there. They always had been, since time began.

"I don't like that," Allen whispered. "If that's true then what's the point of life?" Yu didn't answer because he didn't know the answer. Involuntarily he found himself thinking back over his life, the boring monotone of learning, training, keeping the family honour and waiting each evening for some kind of acknowledgement from parents who didn't care.

Hadn't that boring life been the reason he always stole out at night to find danger? Wouldn't he give everything to get away from that boring life?

Then why was he hesitating now he'd been offered it?

"When I die, I'm going to get my own star." Allen broke the silence, sounding like he'd come to a decision. His tone was a mixture of pleased and confident and Yu was surprised.

"How can you be sure?"

"If I don't believe then I'll be sad." the other laughed, that same melodious laugh that spoke of hope. "One day, my world's going to change. I'll meet someone who loves me, and I'll have a home and a family." The older boy's eyes shut, chest hurting in a way it never had before.

Compassion? Pity? Sorrow?

His eyes burned from the emotion in the tone. He didn't think he'd ever be like that in his life. Before he knew what he was doing, he blurted out his worries.

"Today, I met this man. He said I was talented. He said..." Yu hesitated. "He said I could help him save the world."

"Something wrong?" Allen had sensed the doubt in his words.

"I don't know if I should," Yu grimaced. "I mean, I'm just a kid. How can I save the world?" Allen was silent for a long time and then when he next spoke, his voice was carefully neutral.

"You don't want to go?" he asked. Yu hesitated.

"I do, but-" he cut himself off as he heard a noise and felt a hard pressure on his chest. Yu's eyes snapped open to see Allen's hands clenched around his shirt and desperate eyes watching him. Yu was left speechless.

"Then how can you say no?" Allen whispered, "How can you..." he swallowed. "What do you have here holding you back?"

"... nothing," Yu admitted after a long silence and him trying to figure out what he was really attached to in life. The short answer: nothing. Allen's eyes dimmed, but the desperation faded (to Yu's relief) and he pulled back, crossing his legs and sitting back in a knelt position. Yu sat up, watching him.

"If I were offered something like that, I'd take it in an instant." Allen said softly, staring at the metal bars. "If I could be given a-a purpose, a chance of life, a chance to make a difference..." he looked back at Yu, serious. "You should go with him."

"It's not that easy," Yu tried to argue, not really sure why he was doing so.

"Is it?" Allen leant in close, eyes narrowing. "Or are you just too scared?"

"I'm not scared," Yu frowned, not sure he was telling the truth. Was he scared? He might be... yet... why was he already thinking he'd go with the man? If he didn't, wouldn't he always be wondering '_what if?'_. "I just..."

"Then what? What's wrong with being told you can become something?!" Allen turned his gaze back to the sky and his anger drained out of him. His shoulders slumped. "People like you... you're the ones that'll be up there. A star. People like me, we're just..." And with a sudden clarity, Yu knew something.

"If I ever make it up there, it'll only be because you were there to guide me." he said, making Allen look at him with surprise. He was surprised himself, because he was never normally so eloquent, but there was something about Allen that made him want to say it. Something about Allen had ignited something within him. "I promise you Allen. Don't lose hope."

And the most beautiful smile Yu had ever seen grew on Allen's face, making him glow. For a second, Yu almost thought he saw a halo above the other's head, but when Allen leapt to his feet and held up a hand the image was ruined.

"Come on. Let's make your last night here something to remember," Allen said.

Yu reached out and took his hand.

* * *

**A/N:** I died from this. I wrote this theme out again and again and nothing worked. At all. It's why everything's been so slow. This was probably the hardest story I've ever had to write. Ever ever. So you better darn appreciate it xD


	6. Steam

**Not Quite Paradise**

_Written by xmystorytime._

**Disclaimer: **If I owned this animé/manga... I'd've had more funny scenes between Cross and Allen. Alas, I don't and therefore won't get my wish. Sadly.

* * *

_[Steam] - Who knew that Komui would go so far as to cause the pipes to explode?_

--_  
_

"You're all fucking retards!"

The loud shout, followed by lots more cursing, was the first thing he became aware of. The voice rang in his eyes, making him aware of the second thing - he had a killer headache. He moaned softly, not heard over the yelling, and tried to curl up into a ball, to make himself as small as possible. Something stopped him.

"I don't give a damn if it was a fucking accident! Open this fucking door right now or I'll fucking open it for you!"

He whimpered as the voice sent daggers through his head and opened his eyes, trying to find the source. Maybe if he could find the source, he could make it shut up. However, all that greeted him was a grey, murky white. He blinked and squinted, trying to figure out just what the hell it was.

"Komui! When I get out of here you're fucking dead!"

A loud thump accompanied the shout, followed by more cursing. Most of them were words he'd never heard of before, but as awareness was gradually coming back to him (however much he didn't want it to) he slowly realised that he recognised the voice. It only left him with questions - what was Kanda doing here, and why was he more pissed off than normal? Why was he screeching to Komui to get him out?

For that matter, what was _he _doing here? The last he remembered, he had been in the communal bathrooms getting ready for the day, not in this murky, too-hot room. His head spiked with more pain and he couldn't stop the small cry, hands going to clench at his head. In doing so he became aware that he was lying on his side, sprawled out over the floor. Gasping shakily for air, he didn't notice the cursing stop or the footsteps which approached until they came into his blurry vision.

"Beansprout?" Allen slowly tilted his head and squinted up at the figure, trying to focus his vision. The greyness and his own injuries made it hard.

"... Kanda?" he murmured, voice cracking. The blurry figure nodded and Allen shut his eyes, removing his hands from his ears. Slowly, he started to push himself up into a sitting position, but didn't get very far before a sharp pain tore down his leg. He yelped and turned to look, only to find his chin caught by Kanda's hands, forbidden to do so.

"Don't move, idiot, you're hurt." Allen blinked a few times as it sunk in and then he frowned.

"I thought that was obvious," he said, hating how raspy his voice sounded. "What happened?" Kanda let go of his chin and settled on the ground in front of him. Now that he was closer Allen could see him more clearly and the grimace told him everything he needed to know.

"Komui and his experiments," Kanda snarled, eyes flashing with anger. Allen pulled a face and then gasped silently as pain shot through his body again. He grit his teeth, refusing to cry out, and once more turned to look at the injury. Again, Kanda stopped him by catching hold of his chin. "Don't look. It's not pleasant." Allen could sense the seriousness in his words and he guessed that Kanda was telling the truth, but he wanted to see what was causing him so much pain.

"Where are we?" He reached up and batted away at the hands on his chin weakly. He'd got the message - don't look at the big bad injury.

"The communal bathrooms. Do you remember?" Allen slowly nodded. Now he thought about it, Kanda _had _been there with him as well. Why couldn't he remember that before? It was all in broken twists, bits and pieces that slowly came back once something triggered it. "I'm going to kill Komui." It was spoken with such truth.

"I'm sure he didn't mean for it to happen," he tried to defend their boss, but his voice wasn't in any state to defend someone. It cracked half way through and he licked his lips, feeling the moist air once again. "What's all around us?" For the first time he realised he was slightly damp.

"It's steam," Kanda snorted. "Several of the pipes burst; so far only steam's come out, but I doubt it'll stay that way for much longer." Allen's eyes widened.

"What do you mean?" he swallowed, heart pounding. He suspected he knew.

"If Komui doesn't fix this quickly, then I wouldn't be surprised if we started to be surrounded by water." Kanda said bluntly. Allen swallowed.

"And... why can't we get out?" he winced as his head kicked up a fuss and brought a hand to press it. He saw Kanda follow his movements, eyes dark. He tried to reassure the other he was fine but the words got stuck in his throat.

"The doors are blocked. I don't have Mugen." Kanda eventually said, reaching out to remove Allen's hand from his head. "That's the last time I go anywhere without it." he sounded so confident of that it made Allen snort, and then he cried out as pain shot through him. He clenched his fists tightly and squeezed his eyes shut. They snapped open again when he felt Kanda trace his hairline.

"What...?" Allen frowned and then winced as Kanda hit a sore spot. "That hurt! Don't do that!" he reached up and tugged Kanda's hand away, only to see his fingers speckles in red. He stared at the bloody hand for a moment and then exhaled, dropping his chin to his chest. "I guess that's why my head hurts."

"You must have been stood next to a pipe when it exploded. That's the only reason you're so beat up." Kanda snorted. "Weakling." Allen lifted his head up, annoyance mixing with pain, and glared at the other.

"It's not like I knew the pipe would explode!" he defended himself. "Not all of us have your stupid healing thing!"

"Che." Kanda glanced away, around the room again, and then looked back at Allen. He didn't smile but his eyes seemed to soften slightly. "Beansprout! I won't be gone long. I'm going to go and yell at Komui to hurry the fuck up." He stood as Allen nodded wearily and sighed, slowly slumping his shoulders and staring at the ground dully. The steam around him made it impossible to see further than a few feet and his chest tightened slightly when Kanda disappeared out of sight. Kanda had been injured, the blood staining him was proof. He'd probably already been healed, however, whereas Allen was not so lucky.

He made to stand and his leg sent spasms of pain through his body. He grit his teeth and waited out the pain, frozen, until it had dulled to an ache. There was nobody stopping him from looking, so he twisted his body in the least possible way and suddenly wanted to throw up. Something was coming out of his thigh, a large piece of metal. The area it had pierced was soaked red, but blood wasn't pouring out of his body. He guessed that if the metal was removed, that would probably be the result.

Well. No walking around for him anytime soon.

He looked away, sickened, but a morbid curiosity drew him back to the injury. Trying to agitate his injuries as little as possible, he reached out and slowly ran a finger down the metal piece. Kanda had said the pipe exploded. Had this once been part of the pipe?

Allen sighed and pulled back, turning his gaze up. Whether it had or not didn't matter. All that really mattered was that it was in his leg, and he wouldn't be able to move by himelf while it was in there.

"What do you mean it could take awhile?!" he flinched at Kanda's yell. "You bastard Komui! Just hurry the fuck up!" Obviously things hadn't gone well. Not that he was surprised. Footsteps echoed and with a snort Kanda settled himself in front of Allen again, anger radiating from him. "He said they were waiting for people to return with things from town. They didn't have everything they needed to do it right - if only I could reach Mugen..." his fingers clenched and unclenched. Allen reached out and patted his arm, wincing as the action gave him new pain.

"They'll get us out," he weakly reassured Kanda. The sword master just snorted, obviously not reassured, and Allen saw his eyes wander briefly to his leg before snapping back to Allen. Not sure what else he could say, he pulled back and sighed, wishing there was support behind him so he could lean on it.

He wanted to shut his eyes and sleep, now that he knew what had happened. He wanted to pretend it was all just one big, horrible dream and the next time he woke, he'd be asleep in one of his cereal bowls. It would be morning, of course, early because if it wasn't then he wouldn't have fallen asleep. When he woke, his face a mess from the meal, Lavi would be sat opposite laughing at him. Bookman would be watching impassively, but with the air of one who was highly amused.

Lenalee would be sat next to him and she would smile before helping him clean up. He would thank her, highly embarrassed, and then Kanda would walk along and make some snide comment as he settled next to Allen on the seat. This would only make Lavi laugh harder and Allen would elbow his boyfriend before glowering at everyone around him and standing. He imagined he would make a dramatic exit, one that left everyone in awe.

He opened eyes he didn't know he'd shut. The steam was still around him, the pain was still with him and Kanda was still sat in front of him, watching silently. Allen licked his lips again, a habit more than anything else. He knew the look Kanda had on him now, it meant he was about to ask something he'd been thinking about. Usually this lead to Allen telling him things he didn't want him to know. On good days Allen could put up a struggle but he suspected that right now he wouldn't be able to hold of Kanda's interrogation.

"Why were you over there?"

That wasn't what Allen had been expecting. He blinked and tilted his head, frowning.

"I don't get it."

"Why the fuck were you over there beansprout?" Kanda snapped, causing a new stab of pain. His eyes narrowed as he lent forward and ignored Allen's protest to the nickname, searching for something. "You walked over there for no reason. There was nothing save a mirror and all you did was stare at it." Allen stared at Kanda, perplexed. He didn't have a clue what the other was talking about.

He didn't remember that.

"I don't know what you're on about." Allen shook his head, trying frantically to remember. His memory was blotted, it was true, and why would Kanda lie? He just didn't remember it and if he couldn't remember that then it meant he couldn't give Kanda an answer. Kanda wouldn't be happy.

"Liar," Kanda spat. "It's not the first time you've done it. I've seen you, beansprout, freezing in front of your reflection or lost in thought." Allen's eyes widened. He knew what Kanda meant now, even if he couldn't remember doing so just then. He glanced away from Kanda, refusing to meet his eyes. He stared resolutely at the ground and then cried out, surprised and slightly pained, as Kanda forced him to look back at him.

"I'm sick of you dodging the question. What the fuck is wrong with you?" Allen stared into Kanda's eyes, mute, and saw himself reflected back. It then changed, into the grinning figure of the fourteenth, and Allen's eyes widened. He snapped his eyes shut, trying to block out the sudden tune that wove throughout his mind. Not now, _not now!_ "Beansprout? Beansprout!"

Kanda called him but Allen couldn't respond, paralysed by the 14th's appearance.

Then chapped lips pressed against his and broke the spell. For a second the world shattered into little pieces, but when Allen's eyes snapped open all he could see was Kanda's pale skin and curled eyelashes. The other slowly pulled back, eyes opening and they stared at each other. Allen could feel Kanda's breath mingling with his own and his cheeks turned a pale pink with embarrassment, but he didn't look away.

"Kanda..." he whispered, slowly leaning forward and pressing his forehead against the other's. He shut his eyes, shoulders slumping. "I can't say..."

"Why?"

"I..." Allen swallowed, opening his eyes. He didn't want to burden the other with his problems, didn't want to tell him because it would mean admitting to the monster inside of him. It would mean that the Noah had power over him and he would give anything to stop that. "If I told you, it would win."

"It?" Kanda scowled, eyes flashing. "Damn it beansprout, talk to me!" Allen pulled back and glanced away, only to cry out. His leg muscle twitched and for an instant his vision blackened, pain blocking everything else out. After what felt like eternity it came back, and he became aware of Kanda's arms around his shoulders. He could feel Kanda's heartbeat by his ears and he swallowed, trying to stop his body from its uncontrollable shaking.

They were both silent as the moment slowly passed. When the pain had dulled Allen pulled back, refusing to look at Kanda. He felt too ashamed, he could feel the tension the other had, the anger because Allen was hiding something...

A faint gurgling ruined whatever might have happened next. As one they turned to look to the far side of the room, dread settling in Allen's chest. They couldn't see anything through the steam but they could hear perfectly fine, and what they heard didn't sound good at all. Kanda swore loudly, unwrapping his arms from Allen and jumping to his feet. Within seconds he'd disappeared, and then the sound of him punching metal was heard.

"Komui!" Kanda's voice was the only one Allen could hear. If he strained, he could just about make out another, but it was more of a whisper rather than anything. The gurgling soon increased and then he couldn't hear anything other than Kanda. "We don't have a couple of minutes bastard! Get this door open!"

Footsteps padded back across the room. Allen stared up at Kanda's grim face, trying to figure out what they could do. He couldn't be moved, that much was obvious. His leg was useless. But then, he'd been in worse pain and had still moved.

"Kanda, I'm going to use my Innocence," he said, realising it was the only way. If nothing else, it could help him move around and avoid the boiling water for as long as possible. Kanda narrowed his eyes but then nodded once. Obviously he saw no other way either. Allen inhaled, trying to prepare himself. It would hurt, but it could be done. "Innocence, activate!" He shut his eyes as the familiar comfort circled around him and settled on his shoulders.

At his lowest points, he considered the weight of his Innocence like the weight of the world. At most times, however, Crown Clown was his only reassurance in this screwed up world of demons, Noah and God's puppets.

Not needing to be told, white threads spun out and wrapped around his legs, criss-crossing back and forth. They avoided the spiked metal with ease and Allen inhaled sharply as they tightened down on the area around it. He watched, paling as blood started to seep out, the pressure increased by the tightness around the area. The metal slid a bit as well and he wanted to throw up.

It was only because of Kanda's grip on his elbow he didn't.

He turned and took hold of Kanda's hand. In one swift movement he was pulled up and he stumbled against the other as his vision dimmed once more. Kanda held him close and Allen knew he was waiting for the okay. Body shaking, Allen managed a tiny nod and slowly pulled back, blinking back tears. Damn it he'd experienced worse pain, but there was something so mind-numbing about _this _pain that it stole his breath. He glanced down and wished he hadn't.

The metal hadn't just pierced his leg, it had gone straight through. He could just make out the entrance and exit on either side of his thigh. He glanced to Kanda who also looked pale and pained; obviously he hadn't realised either.

But there was no time to worry. They had to move - the gurgling was almost deafening now. Unfortunately, the steam around them hid where it would come out and he heard Kanda snapping some sort of curse behind him, trying to come up with a plan. One came to Allen in a flash and he turned on the spot, peering up at Kanda.

"We have to find higher ground."

"No fucking way," Kanda snapped back instantly, glaring down at him. "You can't get up there-" he raised his voice to drown out Allen's protest. "- _and _we can't even see where anything is! Think next time idiot!"

"I was thinking!" Allen glared back. "I don't see you coming up with anything better!"

"I was going to!"

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Che." Kanda glanced away. Allen huffed.

"Exactly! We have to avoid the water for as long as possible. It shouldn't be too long before Komui comes, right? We'll have to hold out until then."

"It's not a battle beansprout!" Kanda snapped. "We can't fight water!"

Their argument ended there. At that point there was a loud **CRACK **and water poured into the room. Visibility decreased instantly and soon Allen couldn't even see his hand in front of his face, the steam was so thick. He reached out and gripped Kanda, the only thing he could feel, and winced as scalding water circled their feet. They'd wasted too much time - they had to go now before it was too late.

The soles of his feet were already feeling far too hot for his liking. Kanda could protest all he wanted - they were going to higher ground. Taking a deep breath Allen made sure he had tight hold of Kanda.

"Crown Belt!" His white threads snapped out, searching through the mist for something high up to hold onto. One eventually found something and, breathing a sigh of relief as the water reached his ankles, Allen jumped and let himself be reeled back. Kanda was yelling something in his ear, death threats, but at that point Allen didn't care. Then they jerked to a halt, high up in the ceiling, and everything was still.

"... I'm going to fucking kill you." Kanda spat, arms wrapped tightly around Allen's waist. A few threads of Crown Belt secured him in place, so that even if he let go he wouldn't fall. Allen looked down, smiling weakly at the other. His body was killing him and it was hard to breath, but he didn't need to respond. "And I mean it too. You didn't fucking _warn _me. You're dead the instant we get out of here."

"Whatever," Allen said lazily, casually dismissing the other's death threat. Kanda degraded back to curses, mumbling to himself, and Allen shut his eyes. They had a few minutes, if that, before the water caught up with them. It hadn't taken long to go from ground to his ankles, and if it continued at that speed... "Stop complaining. Komui only needed a few minutes, right? We just gave him them."

"I fucking hate relying on that bastard," Kanda spat. "It's his damn fault we're in this mess!"

"So let him be the one to get us out." Allen said soothingly. "You know he'll only feel bad afterwards if he doesn't. He'll cry on and on and on-" he was interrupted.

"I don't give two shits! When I next see him, the idiot's going to-" Allen never did find out what Komui was going to do.

A loud explosion shook the room, halting Kanda's rant. Allen inhaled and then coughed, pain ripping through his chest, and waved a hand in front of his face to try and clear the smoke that now choked him. He squinted as the white steam changed to a murky brown colour, before dissipating altogether. Likewise, the gurgling sound all around them suddenly decreased, making everything seem quieter than normal.

Then the screams started and any relief Allen felt evaporated. The scientists outside had just encountered the boiling water. Shit.

"We have to stop the valve!" Allen said, turning wide eyes to Kanda. "Everyone's just going to get hurt otherwise!"

"How the fuck are we going to do that?!" Kanda demanded. They both twisted, searching for the source of the water burst. Now the steam had spread out it was much easier and Allen swallowed, realising the devastation for the first time. The dark red blood stains also caught his attention, scattered around the room in places he himself had never been. He didn't let himself dwell on the fact that Kanda had been hurt pretty bad. He was fine right now, and the others took priority. They had to help everyone else.

"There!" Allen finally spotted the hole in the wall. The pipe was gushing water.

"Beansprout, stay there." Kanda let go of Allen, obviously intending to go down... and when he didn't move he snapped furious eyes to Allen. "Get rid of these damn things!" Trusting him, Allen didn't unwind his threads but he did lower Kanda down to the ground. The instant the exorcist was free he was zipping all over the room, reminding Allen just why the teenager was considered the fastest exorcist.

Without using his Innocence, anyway.

In a few brief moments he was stood in front of the boiling water and shoving something into it - a piece of clothing? Toilet roll? Whatever it was, it seemed to do the job. The water slowly went to a trickle and then eventually stopped altogether. A quick fix, but it would give the scientists time to fix the whole system. Allen lowered himself to the ground as Kanda pulled back, looking a little tired. His hands were a bright sizzling red, but as Allen watched the burns slowly healed until there was no remains at all.

"I think I love that ability," he murmured. Kanda glanced at him and slowly shook his head, a smirk on his face.

"You're not the only one," he said and then walked forward. He pulled Allen's arm over his shoulder and Allen yelped, pulling away. Kanda held on stubbornly. "Idiot, come on! You need to get to the hospital wing!"

"Not until I know everyone's okay!" Allen said, tugging out of the other's grip. He took one step across the room and fell, only for Kanda to catch him. The other exhaled, exasperated.

"You're so much fucking trouble, you know that?"

But despite his protesting he still helped Allen hobble across the room. As they passed by what remained of the door, it became obvious that the scientists had just resorted to exploding the whole thing. Crude, but effective. It had cleared the way, anyway. Allen swallowed, remembering the screams of pain and praying with all his heart the scientists were alright.

His foot kicked something metal. He tensed, inhaling and exhaling several times, and then looked. He blinked.

"... I found your sword." he murmured. Kanda peered over him and his entire frame tensed in excitement. He bent down and picked up the wet weapon, letting go of Allen briefly so he could lovingly run a finger along the whole thing.

"I'm never letting you leave my sight," he murmured to it, casting a dark glance to the rest of the room. Allen rolled his eyes and continued the rest of the way into the hallway, using the wall as support. The water lapped at his feet, already cooling, and to his relief he saw everyone standing. Many had different splotches of pink all over their skin and several held themselves painfully, but other than that they looked fine.

"I'm so glad you're alright!" he said, attracting their attention as he forget his own injuries and stepped forward. Crying out as his leg gave way, he would've fallen had someone not caught him. This time, the arms weren't muscular. Instead they were thin and he followed them until he found the owner. Lenalee smiled weakly at him, eyes constantly flickering to his leg, and pulled him back onto his feet.

"You'll be fine Allen," she said, as hospital staff closed in. Behind them Allen saw Lavi's head bobbing up and down, trying to see past the crowds of people. "You'll be fine."

"Of course he will," Kanda said, popping up from nowhere with a snort. "He's too annoying to die."

And as he let himself faint, Allen wished he'd had enough strength to flip the finger to the other.

Asshole.

* * *

**A/N**: Whaddya think? I'd say what inspired this... but I don't know what that is. Ohnowait! I was reading Stargate: Atlantis fiction last night, and in all of them Rodney got a huge ass-whumping, and I wanted Allen to get a similar one. With a healthy dose of Yullen. In case you didn't guess, this was another 'established relationship' story. Heh.


	7. Foreign

**Not Quite Paradise**

_Written by xmystorytime._

**Disclaimer: **If I owned this animé/manga... I'd've had more funny scenes between Cross and Allen. Alas, I don't and therefore won't get my wish. Sadly.

* * *

_[Foreign] - Yu's haunted by memories and regrets, but when he gets a second chance at happiness... will he take it?_

_--  
_

"_I'm going to fight him. I'm going to deal with him on our terms. I refuse to let him kill another member of our family."_

_--  
_

The Millennium Earl; a sorcerer; a torturer; masquerading as a salvation, whilst actually their damnation... was dead.

"It's so fucking surreal..." Yu Kanda swallowed, wiggling his shoulders as he tried to get comfortable against the rough, uneven wall with dusty cracks. Unfortunately there was no comfort to come from the wall, especially with it poking in all the wrong places. _I should probably move,_ he thought as he acknowledged the faint ache in his back but his limbs refused to respond.

So he stood there, arms crossed, against the uneven wall with dusty cracks, and merely watched the world pass by. In peace. There never knew how close to death they'd come – and they never would.

The Earl was dead, and had been for two years now. (In fact his death day was coming up soon, and supposedly a gathering of the Black Order – disbanded in the wake of his death – was due to occur on that day. Yu had received an invitation, but the probability of him going was slim to none.) With his death came the deaths of those he'd been connected with; the akuma had disintegrated to dust and mortar, whilst the Noah had fled to remain on the sidelines and return when the world's balance of good and evil was in threat once more.

The war that Yu had been training for, and fighting for, and living for, ever since he'd been picked up by a crazy old man with a contagious smile and a love for painting as a child... was suddenly over.

The absence of his reason for being had been thanks to the beansprout, of course. _Who else would manage to inadvertently piss me off like that? _He thought, more amused than annoyed when he looked back on it now, although he still felt the frustration when he had nothing to do except walk.

It had been obvious from the start that the white-haired child was to have a large role in events; ever since he'd sworn to Yu, on their first mission, that he would be a destroyer who saved. Yu had scoffed at the time, but the boy'd stuck to it, too.

By destroying the Earl he'd 'saved' his akuma.

Being free of the akuma saved humans who might have been killed by them.

Saving humans meant no tragedy for others, and the absence of a key ingredient in the making of an akuma.

It was just bad luck – or perhaps irony – that Allen Walker wasn't around to see what became of the world he saved. An exorcist with a parasitic Innocence, like Walker had been, rarely survived to old age because their Innocence kept eating away at their life support. In destroying the Earl, Walker had sped up an act that would usually take years to occur, and eventually died a few months later.

A bitter smile found its way to his chapped lips when he realised that, as much as he fooled others, he couldn't fool himself. It had been three months, thirteen days and twenty hours exactly after the Earl's defeat that Walker finally gave up the fight with his Innocence - and yes, Yu would continue to refer to it as _give up_ because in his mind, that was exactly what Walker had done. He was positive that the teenager could've continued fighting a little longer, stayed with Yu a little longer, instead of passing away with a wistful smile.

The slow and painful death wasn't pleasant to think about, but what hurt even more was that, like Walker, anyone directly involved in fighting the Earl's minions (namely exorcists) hadn't got the happy ending they deserved. The ones alive considered themselves lucky to be alive, sure – with their line of work, they chanced with death each time they went out and fought the akuma - but even so, it left a horrible taste on Yu's tongue, and a feeling that maybe all of the suffering, the pain, the loss of innocence... hadn't been worth it.

Was anything worth what remained of them now?

--

"_Was it stupid? To wish that, after it was all done, we'd be able to live life as we wanted?"_

_--  
_

"Sir?" there was a soft tug on his trouser leg. Yu was torn out of his bitter memories and his gaze jerked down, seeing a brown-haired child peer up at him and blink with wide, innocent eyes that Yu had only seen from one other person. His breath caught in his throat and his mind went blank.

"Guh?" was not the most intelligent response he could have given, but it was the only one. The child had a slight frown on his face, but when he realised he'd caught Yu's attention he beamed.

"Are you okay, sir?" he asked. Yu swallowed. _Idiot. It's just a kid, and how the hell did you not notice him coming up to you anyway!? You're losing your touch! _He scowled, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring down at the child.

"Why the hell wouldn't I be?" he demanded. The child remained unperturbed by this black mood.

"You've been here for ages already," he said, his voice cheerful and directly contrasting Yu's morose mood. "And you looked like you were about to cry." Yu's scowl deepened and he bent down, forcefully tugging the boy's tiny hand off of his trousers.

"I was _not _going to cry," he snapped, standing up again. "The fact that-"

"Yeah you were," the boy interrupted with a grin.

"No, I wasn't," Yu snarled, eyes narrowing. "Leave me alone you bloody pest."

"You were though!" the boy insisted, his grin finally slipping. "Thought I'd come over and-"

"Well then, you can just leave just as easily as you came over here," Yu said with a slightly malicious smile. He'd never been fond of children and the one in front of him was no exception. In fact, something about the child seemed to rub him the wrong way.

"But you looked lonely!" the boy pouted now. "I'm just trying to be nice, but you probably wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Bet all your friends went away 'cause you weren't nice to them!" he demanded. Yu stared at the boy for a moment before looking away and falling back into his casual position.

--

"_You came... I knew you would. I know you care really, no matter what Lavi says about you..."_

_--  
_

"Don't talk about things you don't know," he said softly, missing the boy's sudden surprise. There was an awkward silence, and then the child turned around and mimicked Yu's position against the wall. Yu looked down at him, curiosity mingling with annoyance, but the child didn't look up – he only looked out on the street, watching people pass by.

"Did you leave them, or were they taken from you, like mum and dad were from me?" the boy asked, his suddenly solemn and quiet tone hard to hear over the noise of the street. Yu frowned and reached out, pushing the boy's shoulder and sending him sprawling. The image was enough to bring a smirk to his face.

"That's none of your business," he said as the child got to his feet with a glare. "Surely you didn't think I'd spill, just like that?" To his surprise, the child's glare faded into a slightly sheepish expression.

"Yeah, I kinda did actually," he admitted, rubbing the back of his head. "You just looked like you needed to talk to, and I needed to do something other than think about my life," he gave a mocking smile at Yu's confusion. "I've been on the streets for several years now, and there's nothing to do when you're not stealing, other than wander." There was a humorous tone but Yu was caught by the shadows dancing in the bright green eyes.

He'd seen shadows like them before. The first had been in Bookman Junior, the first time they'd met; the second had been with Walker, and only had they been visible when alone; the latest shadows were the ones he saw in his reflection.

They were the shadows that came from knowing there was no home to go back to.

"What happened?" the question rolled off of his tongue, showing none of his internal feelings. The boy hesitated and then re-took a position up against the wall.

"Mum and dad and me, we were in a town on holiday. It was one of the happiest days of my life," a wistful smile grew on the boy's face. "But then there was an explosion, and mum and dad disappeared. Hours later, in the town's attempts to clear up the rubble, we found them." 'Dead' was a word he didn't need to say, for Yu heard it loud and clear.

He wondered what to say, knowing 'I'm sorry' didn't really work. Thankfully, he was excused from the duty. "I don't remember much anymore. Just flashes, of fire and smoke." Yu almost felt sorry for the child. He'd just heard a similar tale too many times to feel too bad about it. "And a girl... she saved me. Dressed in all black, but she was still so pretty... she could even fly away..." he trailed off in memory and Yu tensed. _No fucking way..._ "I always wonder what happened to her. Never saw her again..." the boy paused.

"She died." Yu said, perhaps a little harshly judging from the way the boy jerked.

"You knew her?" he said, eyes widening. "She's dead?" Yu's stomach twisted uncomfortably. Of course he'd known Lenalee, they'd pretty much grown up together. They both understood what it was like, to be a child forced into adulthood out of necessity and a lack of choice. Her death had been devastating... for everyone involved.

--

"_I break a lot of promises, don't I? I don't mean to..."_

_--  
_

"She was - she died fighting, refusing to give up. We couldn't get to her in time, reinforcements didn't come fast enough." he said, his voice hollow. There was no longer pain when he recalled her smile, her laughter; it was just an empty ache that never went away. "She was... a good friend."

The child was silent for a long time and Yu was grateful. He regained whatever equilibrium he'd lost and took a deep breath, in and out. Meditating was still a daily habit, although he didn't do it as much as he used to. He couldn't do it as much as he used to; it was that much harder to force his mind blank, to not run over what could have or should have been.

"Do you want to come with me?" Yu blinked at the boy who now stood in front of him, holding up a jade and azure poster for Yu to read. _When did he disappear to grab that? _Yu wondered.

"No," he said flatly, even as he took the piece of paper from the boy. It was the same poster he'd seen all over town, advertising what fun the festival would be and just what was going to happen earlier. He was about to scrunch it up when a line in the 'acts' part made him blink. The wording was odd as hell, but it couldn't be... she wouldn't...

"What? What is it?" the boy said eagerly, tugging on his arms to look at the poster. "What did you see?"

"I think..." he said out-loud, not hearing the boy as he ran his finger along the line, re-reading it. "I think I will go to this festival after all."

"You will?" the boy brightened and Yu looked up. For a brief second he was thrown back to his past, staring at an equally elated Walker when Yu agreed to go with him to the circus, but a blink rid him of the vision and he was back in the present. He nodded, swallowing past the painful lump in his throat. "Great! We should start going now then, otherwise we'll miss the start!"

"_I _will leave whenever I decide to leave," Yu said sharply, frowning down at the boy again. "_You _are not going with me."

"What?! Why not?" the boy demanded.

"I don't like kids." Yu supplied. "You'll be a burden I don't want to bear." The boy chewed his lip, eyes shimmering slightly with tears, and then they disappeared as another idea came to him.

"And how are you going to stop me?" he asked suddenly. "What if I just happen to go to the festival and leave at the same time as you and take the same route as you, huh? Huh?! I'm technically _not _with you!" he grinned triumphantly. Yu opened his mouth to protest but it died in his throat and he shut his mouth. He almost wanted to smile in amusement, but he was still a bastard and didn't want it to seem like he actually cared.

--

"_I'm going to save them Kanda. I... I have to. You don't know what they're like, you don't hear their souls..."_

_--  
_

His smile slipped off his face and he sighed. It had been a long time since he'd been to a festival just for fun and not on a mission. In fact, he doubted he'd ever been to one without a mission – and, to be fair, it was exactly the same now too since he wasn't going to enjoy it, he was going to see _her_.

Miranda Lotto had disappeared in the final battle, when her Innocence had been crushed by Road Kamelot. The more popular theory was that she'd been sent through time and space and it was unlikely they'd ever see her again in their lifetime.

Yu highly doubted the '_illustrious woman commanding time and space_' on the poster was Miranda, but there was a part of him that wanted, that needed, to see someone from the past who was alive, and whether or not it was her, he knew he'd regret it if he didn't go.

--

The scarlet banners with golden letterings swirled around the samurai, making him reel back and scrub at his eyes to get rid of the colourful blots. The sunlight gleamed on every polished surface, reflecting back a wealth of treasures never to be found anywhere on earth and making Yu wish he had sunglasses.

Adults and children, of all shapes and sizes, hurried by to their own special beat - young ladies out shopping for a new piece of jewellery to dazzle their friends, small children finding excitement from a make-believe world of cops and robbers, weary parents humouring their children's fascination with the world.

Yu soon realised he could be categorised into the latter group, and wasn't sure how to deal with that.

"Look Kanda look! Isn't it cool?!" the child that had latched onto the exorcist said, holding up a magnifying glass like he'd never seen one before. He waggled his fingers beneath it, making awed noises at the grossly enlarged digits, and then held it to his eye with a wicked grin. "Hey, hey! Is my eye really big?" he peered up at Yu who snorted before he could stop himself – but to be fair, the kid _did _look pretty funny.

He smothered his amusement by snatching the magnifying glass away from the kid and putting it back on the table, before grabbing hold of his arm and holding the other in place when he moved to take it back.

"Forget about it," he snapped, tightening his grip and starting to drag them along the crowded street. "We have a place to be. " The boy pouted, looking disappointed and a bit annoyed.

"Do you even know the word 'fun'?" he asked, wiggling out of Yu's grip and rubbing the sore spot on his arm. "You're so moody – ohwow! Look at this!" he broke off, attention caught by another shiny thing on the latest stall, and Yu sighed. It was getting harder and harder to fight the rising irritation. He really didn't want to snap at the kid, mature enough to know the other didn't mean to be annoying, but their constant stopping and starting was making it much longer for them to find their destination.

They'd already passed by three entertainment stands, noticeable by the larger-than-normal crowds, but none of them had been the one he was looking for. (Although the kid had certainly been appreciative of them, especially the first one which had featured gypsies dancing to their music. Yu had had to keep tight grip on the kid so he didn't go and join them on stage, not understanding why he couldn't do it.)

While the kid – who honestly _did _have a name, Yu just didn't remember it – wowed over his latest discovery, Yu cast a glance around the crowded street, knowing exactly why he wasn't as comfortable as he should have been in a place like this. When he looked, he didn't see the bright smiles, the twinkling eyes, the good cheer; he couldn't hear the laughter of children, the beat of a drum, the chattering of friends; he couldn't smell the tantalising pies, the faint tobacco, the strong perfume.

All he could see was the possible threat in each body that walked by; all he could hear was the screams of the dead and dying from past experiences; all he could smell was smoke and the stench of burning flesh.

His jaded view of the world... kind of hurt, now he knew there was nothing to fear.

--

"_We lost so many people Kanda. I don't – I can't – their bodies... it was a massacre, and it was our fault."_

_--  
_

Places such as the festival he was currently visiting were prime akuma targets - places with a lot of people, places with a lot of happiness; the akuma loved to feast on that, to destroy it, to wreck havoc and despair on the world.

Even if the akuma were long gone, it was hard to get rid of instincts that had been ingrained into his very soul. If he'd had a choice he probably wouldn't even be in the middle of this large crowd of people, but he needed to be here if he wanted to find what he was looking for.

He knew that, had someone told him several years ago he'd be searching for Miranda Lotto of his own free will for no reason other than to see her, he would have scorned them and gone off training.

It was amazing just how things could change.

"You're brooding again!" the boy said, once more drawing Yu out of his bleak thoughts. He had his hands on his hips and was frowning at Yu, like a mother chastising a child. The exorcist blinked and then frowned.

"I was not brooding," he denied, narrowing his eyes. "And you've only been around me a day and a half, so you have no right to say what I'm doing and not doing."

"Well then, it means you're brooding a _lot _if I can tell when you're doing it and I've only been with you a day and a half," the child said firmly. "You think too much! Don't you ever just live in the now?"

"What's wrong with thinking? Surely thinking things through is better than rushing into something without an idea of what's going to happen." A pang in his chest reminded him that at one point in time, he'd spent far too much time cleaning up the messes Walker and Lavi had caused when they dove recklessly into things. They had all the right intentions, but more often than not chose the messiest way through it.

For some things, however, Yu had refused to bail them out – like with Komui's Komurins. _That _had never been his problem.

--

"_How can you just walk away?! We're probably going to die and all you can say is 'it's our own fault?!"_

_--  
_

"Not when it makes you upset," the boy said quietly, drawing Yu away from painful memories. "The past is over now, there's nothing you can do. Stop thinking and just... look around you. Don't you want to be one of them?" he gestured to the happy people and Yu's frown deepened.

He wasn't even going to bother to explain to the kid why he was the way he was. He wouldn't understand what it had been like for Yu, whose only purpose had been to fight a war, and that now it was over he was left with nothing to focus himself on except the things he couldn't change.

"You wouldn't get it," he eventually said, breaking the silence, and reached out to take hold of the boy's shoulder. "Come on, midget, otherwise we'll end up having to find a place for the night."

"I'm not a midget!" the boy protested hotly, trying to break out of Yu's grip, but the adult had a firmer grip than before and soon the kid gave it up as a lost cause. "I thought we were getting a place for the night anyway," he added on petulantly as they started to walk again. "Don't you have money?"

"Enough to get by, yes," Yu rolled his eyes. "Just keep an eye out for people entranced by a woman with time and space, okay?"

"What's intrents mean?" the kid asked curiously, and Yu bit his lip to remind himself it wasn't the kid's fault he was stupid.

"I'll make sure to use smaller words next time," he quipped. "Just look for a big crowd, okay?"

"Okay..." the boy said, looking a little downcast now, and then conversation between them died. The silence was immediately filled with the pounding of a beat and Yu found his fingers tapping along to it subconsciously before he realised what was happening. He quickly stilled, but had to admit it was a very catchy tune. He couldn't make out the words from this distance, but the beat and the tune seemed to seep in through every hole in his body.

The kid was already hopping along to the beat, not caring what people thought of him. Yu rolled his eyes, unable to believe he was walking with such an embarrassing person, and watched as the kid didn't look where he was going and crashed into an elderly couple.

"So sorry!" he apologised. "Sorry! I didn't -" he back-tracked into a stand and ended up knocking it over, sending all the fruit on top tumbled to the floor, along with a very angry shopkeeper. Yu's eyes widened and he used the ensuing confusion to nip through, wrap his arms around the kid and make a quick get-away before anyone knew what had happened.

He never thought something he'd learnt to do in akuma attacks would help him in something as stupid as this. Ducking into a side route, he waited until they were far enough away before dropping the kid on the ground and glaring at him.

--

"_You always over-react Kanda, just get over it! Besides, it was kind of funny looking back on it."_

_--  
_

"Well? What do you call that?" he demanded, waving his arms for extra emphasis.

"It wasn't like I meant to knock over that stand!" the kid defended himself. "It was the guy's fault, he shouldn't have put it there! It was clearly a tripping hazard!"

"You should have been watching where you were going!" Yu snapped back. "What would have happened if I hadn't been there to pull you out?"

"I'd've found a way myself," the kid muttered sulkily. Yu snorted, the anger fading slightly as he remembered things had turned out for the better (and it had been an accident, albeit a rather disastrous one). In its wake, exhaustion remained and he pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling softly and shutting his eyes.

"Whatever. We'll just avoid that bit for the time being," he eventually said, opening his eyes. "If you just-" he gawked as the kid had already disappeared, and glanced around to see where he'd gone.

"Wow! This is so pretty - what is this Kanda?" the boy said from a nearby stall, holding up a small, folded fan. Yu strode over and plucked it from the kid's grip, putting it back on the stall.

"It's a fan," he snapped, noticing the entire stand was full of the glittery devices. "But they-"

"I like this one!" the child said gleefully, picking up a thin black and white one with a rather decorative design. His wide eager smile soon faded to a frown when he couldn't figure out how to open the fan, and Yu glanced at the shopkeeper nervously as the kid started twisting it in all the wrong ways. If the kid broke it, he'd have to pay for it – and it probably wouldn't come cheap.

"How can you not know how to open a fan?" he scoffed, taking it from the child's hands and pulling it by the sides. "Open it like this stupid," he said as he handed back the plain but pretty design. The smile he got in return was blinding, despite the insult that had accompanied it, and that suspicious lump in his throat was back. Why was this damn kid so much like Walker?

Yu cleared his throat and turned around, uncomfortable with such happiness being directed at him.

--

"_Haha! You have to buy it Yu! Come on, buy it! Please? It'll be a keepsake, of our day out together!"_

_--  
_

"Can we buy it? Please?" the boy begged, wide eyes with a trembling lip, and the fan clutched desperately to his chest. Yu's mind went blank as he realised it was _that _look, a look he'd never been able to refuse. Not from Walker, not from Lenalee... and now here was a third he couldn't seem to say no to.

"Damn it," he cursed, angry with himself and all the reminders that he didn't want, and pulled out some coins from his pocket. He flung it on the stall and it scattered, leaving the seller to drop to his knees and chase after the rolling coins, before spinning on the spot and storming away. The money would almost certainly be enough. "Are you coming?!" he snapped over his shoulder.

"Thank you thank you thank you-" he stumbled forward as the boy threw his arms around Yu's waist, hugging him tightly, before letting go and clutching the fan to his chest with a sense of awe and wonder. "Thank you thank you thank you thank you-" Yu groaned, rubbing a hand over his forehead and already regretting the decision.

"If you don't shut up I'll grab that stupid thing and put it back," he threatened and the kid's mouth instantly shut. To his dismay, the kid went on to further pretend he was zipping up his mouth and throwing away the key. _How the bloody hell do I always end up with the stupid, exasperating ones? _He demanded of himself, a little troubled by this thought. It seemed that no matter what he tried he was always surrounded by idiots. Did he have a sign that flashed above his head, advertising for his own personal idiot?

Seconds later he narrowly avoided walking into a person, and ignored the kid's snort of laughter. Yu frowned, realising they'd stumbled onto the next entertainers booth if the crowd was anything to go by. Unfortunately he was stuck at the back so he couldn't see exactly what it was, which meant he'd have to get into the crowd.

It was no surprise he hesitated before entering, and eventually the decision was taken out of his hands.

"Come on, let's get closer!" the kid said, shoving his way through the crowds and making a route for Yu to follow. With an exasperated sigh, giving a fierce glare to anyone who looked like they might make trouble, it didn't take long before the pair were near the very front of the crowd and had a clear look at what it was that had the crowd so enraptured – judging from the 'ooo's and 'aah's it was something pretty special.

It took him several seconds to realise that yes, he _was _looking at Miranda Lotto. After nearly three years, after her disappearance on the battlefield, she was now stood up on stage in front of Yu and looked... nothing like he'd imagined. He had never even imagined the weeping, paranoid woman could look so pretty – who'd known she was hiding a decent body underneath her hideous clothing?

Her hair was tied up in a bun, with a few brown strands to fall over her face. Her skin was flawless and she wore make-up like a doll, pale pinks and blues that suited her complexion. She was in a long gown, clinging in all the right places and had a pair of white gloves on that finished the 'innocent' ensemble.

At first glance, she was perfect; but Yu kept looking at her, searching for the Miranda Lotto he remembered – three years was _not _enough time for such drastic changes – and found her. It was in the way her hands trembled when she lifted them, the way her eyes darted around as if searching for invisible threats, the way she tried to hunch her shoulders and make herself as small as possible before seemingly remembering where she was.

And, of course, the biggest seller was when she raised her arm and a familiar disc was shown to the crowd.

--

"_Kanda! I wish you'd be nice about Miss Miranda, I bet she'll really surprise you. Give her a chance, please?"_

_--  
_

"Time Record: Activate." there was the faintest tremble in her voice, hardly noticeable if Yu hadn't been looking for it, and then his attention was drawn to the broken items behind her. They all repaired themselves and the crowd cheered as the two presenters Yu had ignored before now held them up proudly. Yet he was drawn back to Lotto, and finally saw the defeated look in her eyes.

He hated it. How could someone, like her, who had saved so many lives, allow this to happen after everything she'd done? She was nothing more than entertainment now. Was this what her life had turned into, now the war was over? Was this how she'd imagined her happy ending?

"She's so pretty..." the kid next to him breathed. Yu snorted, knowing the child would be disappointed when Miranda returned to her old self – which she would. Yu refused to let this continue. He wanted the _old _Miranda back.

"Looks aren't everything midget," he replied. "And she's the woman we're looking for."

"Brilliant!" the kid breathed. "Well then, what're we waiting for?" he took hold of the stage's end and pulled himself up before Yu realised what had happened.

"Idiot!" he hissed, diving forwards and just missing the kid's legs. "This is what I meant about diving into things!" he snapped, before exhaling in annoyance as the kid drew all attention to him. He strode confidently over to Lotto and gave her a grin.

"Hi." he said. She blinked and peered down at him.

"Hello..." she said hesitantly, glancing nervously around her. Yu saw the presenters glance nervously at each other, trying to figure out what they should do, and slapped his own cheek lightly. Damn it all to hell, he was going to literally _kill _that kid when there weren't witnesses around. _Making me do this... _"Are you lost?"

"Nope! In fact, I was looking for you with my buddy Kanda here," the kid pointed at Yu, who was just managing to get up on the stage. Getting to his feet, Yu brushed off any dust on his clothes and then met Lotto's eyes. Her jaw had dropped and she looked stunned beyond belief... and he smirked as he walked over. He used the element of surprise to take hold of her arm and then gathered up all his courage and turned to face the crowd.

"Sorry folks, the show's over." he said casually, watching as anger appeared in people's eyes. "Find someone else to ogle." the casual tone faded instantly into a snap and he gave a fierce glare to the crowd, strong enough to stump them all into thinking twice before challenging him.

It would've been more effective if he'd had his sword with him, but an accident a few months ago had broken it beyond compare – and only the scientists in the Black Order had the ability to fix the Innocence-fused sword, and they were dead like everyone else so fixing it was a no-go.

"You ready to run?" he asked his two companions. The kid grinned, looking excited, and Miranda's eyes widened.

"Uh, Kanda, I don't think-I mean-" she gulped. "You should just leave me, I'll only cause trouble-" _Yes, this is definitely her, _he thought and turned his glare at her.

"Shut up. I'm here _for _you, so you're coming with us whether you want to or not." he said firmly. "Now, how about we run?"

--

"_Yu... there's something I gotta say. Gramps hasn't said, but I think... I think we might be leaving."_

_--  
_

Silence was something Yu had grown accustomed to in his two years wandering from place to place. With silence came thinking, with thinking came emotions he didn't want to feel. It was probably the fact he was used to it that he didn't feel uncomfortable now.

In between the trio the amber fire crackled, burning off the twigs and leaves they had managed to scavenge from the area around them. The flickering light cast shadows on the trees, large and small, odd and plain, but Yu only noticed them every time the kid gasped from surprise and terror. He'd seen much worse in his life, after all, and shadows had never really been something to scare him.

There was no talking between them, not that Yu was surprised. He had only known the kid for two days – not exactly the length of time to ask about topics – and he and Lotto had never got along years ago so why would they now? He'd never had the patience for her and she'd been terrified of him; he'd been content to leave her to Lenalee and Walker.

"U-um..." Lotto was the one to break the silence, surprisingly. Yu's eyes snapped to her, remembering he wasn't the only one to change, and she swallowed silently, but continued. "T-thank you, Kanda, you really didn't have to-"

"I didn't do it for you," he said dismissively, already feeling uncomfortable. "I didn't originally have the intention to kidnap you. I was just passing by, I saw you and, well, you looked like too much of a damsel in distress to not help," he smirked, noting that she didn't look like a doll now after their frantic run. Her hair had fallen out of its bun and now dangled over her shoulders, she was grubby and her dress was a bit torn. She hunched her shoulders.

"Oh..." she said softly, looking back at the fire.

"He's lying," the kid said suddenly, making Yu snap his head, horrified, in his direction so fast he could've got whiplash while Lotto looked confused. "Came looking for you- mmph," Yu's hand settled itself over his lips.

"Shut up midget!" he snapped, with his other hand pinching the kid's ear and then let go.

"I'm not a midget," the kid grumbled, rubbing at his sore ear. "Bastard." Yu rolled his eyes and looked back at Lotto, who was hiding a smile of amusement. Yu sighed, reaching up to rub at his forehead wearily and decided to expand on his original reason.

"Alright, I _did _come looking for you," he said quietly, dropping his hand. "I wanted answers."

"A-answers?!" Lotto's eyes widened nervously. "An-answers to...?" but Yu could tell she knew exactly what. He bit on his lip, guessing he'd have to drag it out of her.

"You disappeared, Lotto," he snapped a little fiercer than he thought. She flinched. "We tried to help you but we never got there in time. When your Innocence was shattered, you disappeared. Where the fuck did you go?" Lotto was silent for a long time, mouth opening and shutting as she tried to figure out the best way to explain, and Yu was patient enough to wait. It wasn't like he had anything better to do.

This was the most excitement he'd had for a long time, sad as it was to say.

"U-um, well-" she licked her lips nervously. "I-I don't know, for certain, really, and I'm not good at guessing so it's probably completely wrong and-"

"Lotto!" Yu snapped, drawing her back to the present. She squeaked, jumping slightly, before exhaling.

"In some ways, I think, we're the same but – I don't – this'll be hard for you to believe, Kanda, but – what I remember isn't exactly what you remember..." she trailed off hesitantly and Yu stared at her incredulously.

"What the _fuck _are you talking about?" he asked, pretty damn confused.

"I-I disappeared, like you said, in the battle but-" she took a deep breath in. "I didn't want to go, I _needed _to help out everyone. You were – so tired – so broken... all of you..." she brought a hand up to her eyes, where tears had started to creep out, and swiped at them hurriedly. "B-but, um, I think my Innocence – it – well, I was, um, sent back to a point where I could choose to change what happened..." she trailed off.

"... what did you change?" he asked, keeping his voice neutral. It wasn't like he was surprised or anything; it had been a theory she'd gone through time, although a month before the final battle was a little... sooner than he'd expected.

"I chose to save you." she said, probably the only firm thing she'd said so far. Yu's eyes widened.

"What?" Lotto smiled sadly.

"You were captured, Kanda, don't you remember?" Yu tensed, his memories of his torture at the Noah still strong. "But you escaped, and alive and bloody you stumbled back to the HQ. You were – you died, on the way back. You never made it home... and the Order lost another exorcist."

"But I'm here now," he said, confused. "I'm alive."

"Because I-I told you the way to go, or don't you remember? The old woman, who directed you off the route you were planning to go-" he inhaled sharply. _That had been Lotto? _"I-I knew you were being followed, if you hadn't-if you'd gone the way you chose, they'd have caught up and killed you. But I, um, I showed you the quickest route home, and you made it there in time."

"I owed you my life... but you disappeared before I could thank you..." he murmured, stunned. Lotto exhaled, shoulders slumping in exhaustion. Her brown hair tumbled over her face, hiding her expression.

"My Innocence pulled me forward, after I'd done my job. I ended up on a dirt road with a band of gypsies, around a month ago. I've had no contact since, but obviously something turned out right... if you're here..." she smiled a broken but true smile. "Please, Kanda, t-tell me... tell me the Earl's dead." Yu exhaled and and lent forward, resting his elbows on his knees and then his chin in his hands.

"The Earl's dead," he said dully, and Lotto's eyes widened.

"D-did I... I actually did something..." she said, sounding so happy Yu didn't really want to tell her what the price had been. "He never-he won, originally. I knew saving you meant Allen would be able to defeat him..." she was practically beaming. "When you died, he was-he didn't-" she broke off, suddenly realising something. "Where is Allen now?" _Well, she asked for it. _He thought, not feeling any sympathy for the woman he was about to bring off her high.

"He's dead," he was a little horrified to find his voice broke.

"What?" Lotto's voice wobbled.

"Walker... he destroyed the Earl, but taxed his Innocence too much. He died a few months later, his Innocence finally taking all his life energy." The lump in his throat was back. It made swallowing painful.

--

"_I'm not sad though, because I'll be seeing everyone again – and I'll be watching over you too, so how can I be sad?"_

_--  
_

"I'm so- oh Kanda, I'm so-" Lotto wavered, obviously stuck for what to say. "What about Lenalee? Krory? Marie?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

"Dead." It was amazing how easily the word slipped off his tongue now. "Lenalee died in an ambush. Alone, overwhelmed, but dealt a massive blow to the Earl's akuma, and took down Road Kamelot too. Krory and Jasdevi found a stalemate, and killed each other. Marie fought alongside me, against Tyki, and defeated him but died from injuries minutes later." Before Lotto could ask about any of the others he decided to expand.

"Lavi... he and Bookman were delayed to joining us at the battle, but we didn't find out why until after. There was a surprise attack... HQ was destroyed, and all the scientists in it died. They were trapped, and couldn't escape, and Lavi and Bookman died trying to save them." he swallowed. "Komui, he was with us... but the akuma virus got him before the battle even began. And the Generals – they're alive, somewhere. Don't think we'll see them again though."

"No..." Lotto put a hand to her mouth, tears trickling down her face. "No, it can't – I saved you! You were – they were – it was supposed to change things! None of you were supposed to die!" she gave a muffled sob. "How... how...?" Yu looked away from the sobbing woman, unable to look, and found himself watching the kid. He'd forgotten he was there.

The kid had his head bowed and eyes shut. Either he was trying to block them out or was just trying to give them some privacy. It didn't matter, in the end.

"I failed... I failed again..." he looked back at Lotto and saw her watching the fire bitterly. "I was so sure, so happy – I'd finally done something, but – I didn't do it _right_," she sobbed again. "Just plain useless... ugly... unlucky... I never should have become an exorcist. I never should have chosen this life. It – I thought I could help, but I've only killed everyone..." Yu swallowed, growing slightly annoyed with her sobbing. His own eyes burned just from seeing her and he refused to cry.

"Get over it Lotto," he snapped. "You tried to change the past once and it _did _work out. The Earl's dead. You can't ask for anything better than that."

"How can you say that?!" she demanded, staring at him. Her hands balled up into fists. "How can you sit there and say that?! Everyone - everyone's dead!"

"Yes, but in their death look how many people _lived_!" Yu snapped back, gesturing to the world around them. "The Earl's death has saved so many more lives. Don't you _dare _try and imply their sacrifice wasn't worth any of this!"

"You..." Lotto's anger faded as soon as it came. "But... the cost was too high, Kanda. You don't see it, but you – you're not who you should be. You've changed..." she broke off. Yu scowled, not willing to let go of his anger as easily as she had. _How can she sit there and say I've changed?_

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

"None of this is supposed to be. There's supposed to be a _happy ending_." Lotto wiped at her eyes again. Yu was struck speechless as, again, he heard the words 'happy ending'. Hadn't he referred to it what happened with a happy ending? "But don't you want him back, Kanda? You love him, didn't you?" Yu inhaled sharply and looked away.

"I don't know what you mean." he mumbled. Lotto shook her head.

"You never... you never told him, did you?" she said brokenly. "That's where everything went wrong. Of course. I could save you, but..." Yu refused to look back at her. "Yu, Allen... the reason Allen lost the war the first time was because you were dead. He – he fought with vengeance, and acted irrationally, and lost..." she swallowed. "But with you alive, he must have... he must have done it, but if everyone was dead, and you didn't feel the same -"

"Are you saying his death's my fault?" Yu demanded, looking back at her. "Are you saying that because I didn't say three damn words he died?!" Lotto flinched.

"M-maybe..." she licked her lips. "Kanda..."

"Shut the fuck up." Yu said coldly, getting to his feet. "You have no idea what you're saying." Before he could say anything he regretted he turned around and stormed away, disappearing into the forest around them and leaving behind the two silent figures in front of the fire.

When he was far enough away he couldn't see them and they wouldn't hear him, he slumped against a tree and slid down to the ground. His body shook and he bowed his head, to hide the tears, as he tried to convince himself that Lotto had no idea what she was talking about and she _had _to be wrong, that it couldn't be his own fault that Walker died.

But if she was lying, then why did it hurt so bloody much?

--

"_Kanda, do you have a minute? I... I have something to tell you..."_

--

He didn't know he'd fallen asleep, but he must have done at some point otherwise he wouldn't have been woken up by a loud-mouthed midget.

"There you are!" he jerked, eyes opening after a few seconds of fighting with a sticky substance. He had no time to prepare himself as the child landed on his lap, a wide grin beaming up at him. He narrowly missed eating windswept hair and blinked, trying to understand the situation. "Been looking for you for ages! You fell asleep out here..." the child wriggled, apparently trying to make himself comfortable.

Yeah, like Yu was going to let that happen.

"Get off," he grumbled, shoving the kid off of his lap and onto the cold ground before getting to his feet and rubbing off any dirt that clung to him. A glance at the sky told him it was nearly daybreak, if the streaks of red and pink were anything to go by. _And it'll be day three with a bundle of pain_, he realised with a sigh, and looked down at the boy who only came to his waist.

He was hopping from one foot to the other, filled to the brim with excitement. When he saw Yu looked at him he brightened.

"Well, are you coming or what?" the kid demanded. "There's something for you back at camp!" In a flash Yu remembered the events of the previous night. His heart twisted painfully, but the anger didn't return and so he could easily see he'd probably overreacted. _I should apologise... she didn't deserve that, not when she said the truth I refused to see._

"A surprise?" he asked, a little warily, and allowed the kid to grab his arm and start to lead the way back. It wasn't like Yu had been looking where he was going when he stormed away, after all.

"... I dunno," the kid shrugged. "Probably. But after you left Miss Miranda seemed to have an apif-ipif-hepticimy-" he hesitated and Yu rolled his eyes. He had to remind himself it wasn't the kid's fault he was dumb.

"Epiphany," he corrected.

"Yeah, one of them," the boy said dismissively, already moving on. "Miss Miranda wouldn't tell me what, but it looked like she knew something or other and wanted me to get you. So here we are." he tightened his grip on Yu's arm briefly and a look at the boy showed an incredibly vulnerable expression. "I think... I think... Kanda, if you could go back in time and change things, would you?"

Yu didn't know how to answer that – at least, not eloquently.

"We... we have to deal with the consequences of the choices we make, whether it's good... or bad. We learn from those choices, and know how to deal with similar ones in the future." he paused, trying to sort out his thoughts. "Going back in time and changing things... it would depend on what you were changing.

"Everyone wants to go back in time and change something they'd do, wish they could do something different in hindsight. But... going back in time and changing things, there's no guarantee things'll be any better in the long run."

"But if you could, would you do it?" the kid asked, peering up at him solemnly. Yu's voice chose that moment to not work, and he suspected it was because if he said his answer out loud it would mean admitting to a hell of a lot of other things he didn't want to admit to. His silence was deemed enough of an answer for the kid, who nodded and started walking again, leading them around a few trees. "Thought so. Now, hurry up! You move like an old man!"

_If I had a second chance, there's so much I'd change... _he thought quietly, and then the comment sunk in.

"I think I should be insulted," Yu said, raising an eyebrow at the kid. "But then I just need to remember that I probably would appear like an old man to a midget like you."

"What?! I'm not a midget damn it!" the kid said, aggravated. "You-you old man!"

"Midget."

"Old man!"

"Midget.

"Old man – ah! We're here!" the boy said, stopping their immature argument. Yu blinked and realised that yes, they were back at the place they'd camped a few hours ago. It was much darker now the fire was almost out, but the rays of light from daybreak gave enough light for him to see the figure standing in the middle of the clearing.

She had her back to him and her hands clasped together just above her waist. On her wrist sat her Innocence, still and deactivated, and Yu wondered if Lotto knew it was probably the only Innocence still in existence. He doubted it. She was staring up at the sky, but as they approached she seemed to be shaken out of her daydream and turned to face them. Yu could just make out the puffy eyes and tear stains, and winced.

"Lotto – Miranda – I'm..." she held up a hand, stopping him from going any further, and shook her head. _The one time I go to apologise, she stops me from doing so... _he had mixed feelings about how he felt on that.

"It doesn't matter," she said, her voice cracked. "I-I'm glad you're here, Kanda. I thought – when you left, that is – and, um, I think that, well, I might have been – might have been wrong... and right earlier." Yu blinked slowly, trying to make sense of her stuttered sentence.

"This means...?" he asked warily. _Is she saying I'm right... or I'm wrong?_ Lotto-Miranda turned away, looking back up at the sky and didn't reply for a long time. Yu shifted his weight from his right to his left, wondering if he should ask again.

"Time's so funny, don't you think so?" Lo-Miranda said, breaking the silence. "It always passes at the same pace, but our perception makes it go by fast or slow... and once a second had passed, you'll never get that second back."

"Miranda..." he started but trailed off, not sure what he could say.

"I spent so much time staring up at the stars when I was younger," she admitted, but it was like she was talking to herself rather than Yu anymore. "They've been there since time began and they'll remain there until time ends. I never... I always wondered why, someone like me, unlucky, ugly, just plain useless... had something so powerful as time." she paused. "And it turned out that the talents weren't permanent, and I understood. A useless person for a useless Innocence, what a great pair."

"That's not true!" he protested hotly. _Her Innocence has bought so many of us time to get back to a hospital and heal, or brought closure to families that needed it. _She didn't seem to hear him.

"I-I think... no, I know... I-I was meant to go back in time, and – and things were meant to happen the way they did," she glanced at him, smiling despite the tears that trickled down her face. "So... so I could be here now to send you back, and make it _perfect_." Yu's jaw dropped as she stepped toward him until she was a mere centremetre away. Wet brown eyes stared pleadingly at him. "Would you do that, Kanda? A second chance to get things right?"

"I..." he stuttered, unable to look into the eyes anymore and took a step back. "I..." his gaze fell on the kid, who was watching with an undecipherable look on his face. "I..." he glanced up at the sky, to the stars that were starting to fade with the morning light.

"_I've always thought we make our own destinies, Kanda. Mine... mine was to keep walking, to save the akuma. I've done that, so what is there for me to live for now? I don't..."_

"I..."

"_History repeats itself far too much Yu. If a second chance's given, and you regret the first chance, take it with both hands and hold on with all your strength."_

"I..."

"_Kanda, will you... tell brother I'm sorry? I didn't want – I didn't want to die..."_

"Yes." he whispered brokenly, shutting his eyes and wrapping his arms around his waist, a false comfort, as he remembered Lenalee's tears when she died in his arms. "I want them back..."

He wanted to see Lenalee's smile, see that gleam in Komui's eyes when he was creating mischief; he wanted to hear Lavi call him Yu, hear Marie's wonderful advice for any troubles; he wanted to smell Jerry's cooking again... he wanted to tell Walker what he'd been too scared to tell him last time.

He didn't want any regrets anymore.

"Okay..." Miranda whispered, stepping back and shutting her eyes as she used her Innocence, probably for the last time. It sparkled, desperate to be used, desperate to obey its conformer's wishes, and Yu barely felt the ground meet his knees as a wind started to pick up around them. The kid suddenly moved from where he stood, diving into Yu's arms and burrowing deep, shaking fiercely. Automatically Yu's arms circled around him, shielding him from what might happen.

"Let's go out with a bang, Innocence..." Miranda whispered, clutching her disc to her chest, before opening her eyes and looking straight at Yu. "Time Record... Activate."

A bright light shot out of her disc and there was the sound of a gong, a sound Yu hadn't heard for a long time. It kept ringing, and ringing, and ringing... he shut his eyes, his only comfort being that this wasn't the biggest mistake of his life because he'd made that one a long time ago.

He hoped it wouldn't be close, though.

--

The first thing he became aware of was two voices, a girl's and a boy's, and they appeared to be arguing if their tones were anything to go by. The second thing he became aware of was the horrid pounding in his head and he groaned, silencing the arguing voices, only to find his mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

"Nngh," he grunted, having intended to tell the two who couldn't seem to let the injured sleep 'fuck off', but his mouth wouldn't really work. There were hurried footsteps, then cold, gentle hands on his cheeks, and really, whoever it was disturbing his sleep should know better so he opened his mouth to tell them exactly what he thought... only to have the words dry up in his throat.

Lenalee's tearful gaze had always been something he tried to avoid. It was the only thing that could make him feel bad about being a complete bastard and this time was no exception; the only problem was that he had no idea what it was he'd done. In fact, if he remembered correctly he probably had more reason to be crying than she did because last he knew, she'd been battered and broken and dead in his arms. At least, he was pretty sure about that.... but already it was feeling like a very realistic dream rather than a memory.

"I'm so glad you're awake Kanda," she said with a wobbly smile and let go of his face to wipe at her eyes. "How are you feeling?" she took a step back, showing Yu more of his surroundings, and his eyes widened. He was back in the hospital at HQ, a place he only saw in his dreams now, and it was... as disgustingly white as he remembered. But he was pretty sure it had been destroyed... right?

"What the fuck?" he said eloquently, and then tried to get up into a sitting position. His arms trembled, almost refusing to support him, and he refused to admit he was grateful when hands pushed at him and helped him up. It took several seconds before he realised that two of the hands were far from feminine, and he turned his gaze to the other person in the room.

Lavi grinned widely at him, his one green eye sparkling, and Yu's breath caught at his very alive best friend.

"Jeez, you shouldn't do something like that!" he said, in that annoying tone of his as he punched Yu's shoulder. "Do you any idea how worried we all were Yu?" he laughed and Yu glowered at him, wondering how the _hell _he'd missed this stupid idiot.

"Don't fucking call me that rabbit," he rasped, but with his voice as hoarse as it was it didn't have the same effect. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised – if Lenalee was here, why shouldn't Lavi be? Both of them were dead, and HQ was destroyed... but he refused to believe he was in fucking heaven. "What happened?"

"Well..." Lavi paused, his grin fading. "What do you remember?"

"I have a feeling that what I remember isn't going to be what you remember," he said cryptically, brushing back some of his hair and grimacing at how greasy it felt. He was vaguely remembering what had happened now – he remembered Miranda, and a child, and... and going back for a second chance.

That explained a lot.

"You were kidnapped, Kanda..." Lenalee said after an awkward silence, and then she scowled and slapped his arm. "How could you let yourself be kidnapped?! Do you have any idea how worried we were?"

"It's not like I meant to get kidnapped!" he snapped, frowning back at her. "Why aren't you happy I managed to escape either?!" _So, I'm back here again... and if I'm here, it must mean Miranda helped me back before I could have died. I'm back at a time before the war really kicked up a gear. How... confusing._

"I am!" Lenalee replied, a blush working its way onto her cheeks. "So, so you escaped, and somehow found your way back to us, only to collapse at the gates. You've been asleep for nearly a week." Yu blinked a few times and then decided to stick to the truth, for now.

"An old lady helped me back," he murmured. "But she disappeared before I could thank her..." _I've got to treat Miranda better after this. I guess she really is surprising after all... _he suddenly realised he was missing a very important person. "Where's Walker?" Lenalee and Lavi shared an amused look and he narrowed his eyes at them. They looked far too mischievous and happy – just what, exactly, did they know?

Could they know?

"He's been worried sick over you," Lenalee explained with a fond smile. "But Lavi and I managed to kick him out an hour or so ago, and now Miss Miranda and Krory are making sure he's eating. He'll probably be back up here soon Yu, so don't worry!" Yu furrowed his brow and then realised the answer to his question. They _did _know something.

_I guess everyone else wasn't as oblivious as I was... except maybe Walker himself..._

"Oh," he said quietly and then changed the subject. He already had a memory of waking up after being kidnapped, and he certainly hadn't had such a nice welcome then. "I'm surprised you two haven't asked me about what happened," he said and their smiles faded.

"C'mon Yu, do you really think we'd do that?" Lavi asked with a false smile and slung his arm over Yu's shoulders. "All we want you to do is get better, right Lenalee?" Lenalee nodded, blinking back tears again, and Yu ducked his head. Last time he'd woken up, it hadn't been Lenalee and Lavi, it had been Komui with several of the Vatican, and to be fair Komui hadn't looked very happy when he asked...

... just what else had changed?

"Lavi! Lenalee! Look what I brought for us to eat!" Yu's heart skipped a beat as the door banged open and Allen Walker seemingly bounced into the infirmary. His face was hidden behind the piles of food in his hands so he couldn't see Yu was awake, and Yu wasn't sure whether to start laughing or to start crying at the knowledge that yes, he really was back.

Miranda and Krory soon followed Walker carrying lots of plates of food, although much less confidently than Walker had, and Walker continued to babble. "I didn't really want to eat in the canteen when Kanda was supposed to be waking up soon, but Lenalee told me to eat and I thought – why not get food for everyone? And I didn't want Krory or Miranda to miss out!" Walker put all his piles of food on an empty bed.

"Allen..." Lenalee said, trying and failing to hide a smile. Lavi had already started to laugh loudly, wobbling precariously on his chair. Walker turned around with a wide grin, obviously intending to say something else and froze when he caught sight of Yu.

"Ah..." he said, blinking a few times. "Kanda's already awake..."

Yu's last memory of Walker had been the teenager being nothing more than skin and bones, tiny and fragile in a bed too big for him, and smiling a big smile up at Yu, so he drunk in this healthy, happy Walker and, despite the dark shadows under his eyes, couldn't help but think it was almost perfect. He was exactly like Yu remembered, and the thought made his eyes start to burn again.

He hurriedly ducked his head, refusing to be caught crying, and blinked rapidly to force back the tears.

"I g-guess it's a good thing we, um, we brought soba then..." Miranda said nervously and Yu used her as a distraction against the welling of emotion inside him. She was glancing between everyone nervously, like she always did, and seemed to have no idea what her future self had done.

Maybe it was for the best...

"I guess so," Walker grinned and then gestured to the wide pile of food. "Lavi, Lenalee, what would you like?"

"Ooo, is that chocolate cake?" Lenalee gushed, spotting the chocolatey dish. She bounced off of Yu's bed and hurried over to the large cake, refusing to let anyone else get there before her.

"Aha! I see chicken drumsticks!" Lavi said gleefully, scrambling off his chair in an attempt to be the first to get them. Walker ducked out of Lavi's way just in time, and Yu watched him grab a plate of sausages and a tray of soba before making his way over to Kanda. He dumped the tray and plate on the table next to Yu, and started to munch on a muffin already in his hand (from where, Yu had no clue).

"You must be hungry Kanda!" he said, sitting where Lenalee had been sitting. "I know I'd be after sleeping a whole week-" Yu tuned out the babble, focusing more on the body posture, the look in Walker's eyes, the way he was acting, and finally spotting what he'd chosen to ignore before.

"Not all of us are a bottomless pit like you beansprout," he said, enjoying the way the nickname rolled off of his tongue. "Shut up."

"My name's Allen!" Walker said with a frown and pout, twirling a fork around in his fingers. Yu had to hide a smirk at how predictable the smaller teenager was. "And you only get away with it now because you just woke up, but you better remember it next time!" he waved the fork in Yu's face, and the samurai raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever beansprout," he smirked, watching Walker's frown deepen, and then gathered all his strength. He brought his arm up, wrapped it around Walker's neck and then pulled the boy against him and into a deep kiss. The fork and muffin tumbled to the floor but Yu didn't really care, and when Walker got over his shock and started kissing back he figured Walker didn't really mind either.

Breaking free to breathe, he rest his forehead against Allen's and gave a smirk at the dazed look, although he couldn't deny his body trembling for an entirely different reason other than fatigue now. _Why the hell did I try and deny this for so long? _He wondered as he took in Allen's half-lidded eyes.

In that one kiss, the emptiness that had been surrounding him since the Earl's defeat had faded and, even if it meant fighting and defeating the Earl again, he knew that this was definitely worth it.

"That was so cruel..." Allen breathed and then bent down for a second kiss, swinging his legs over Yu's lap and straddling the older boy in an effort to get more comfortable. Yu didn't protest, moving to wrap his arms around Allen's waist and tugging him close. They didn't hear the doors open and close as their friends vacated the area.

Yu refused to let things turn out the same way they did last time, and as soon as he was free from this bed he would go and tell Komui all about future attacks, the ambush Lenalee would die in, the secret to defeating the Earl...

... _but that's for later. Yes, kid, I think I will focus on the now..._ he thought with a faint groan as Walker's tongue slipped in his mouth, and then he decided that thinking wasn't worth a damn thing and focused on the lithe body on top of him.

* * *

**A/N: **Ahahahah, you would not believe how happy I am to have finished this. I swear, no more will I do lots of one-shots like this story is - at least, to a deadline anyway. I, apparently, suck at it. But. Nearly 4 months after the deadline, I FINISHED it. It was hell, literally - this chapter... god, it went through so many versions, and writing, and JEEZ. I don't even think this version has the theme 'foreign' in, but pretty please will you lovely readers ignore that? I made up for it with length! XD

Thank you to all my very patient readers, who've put up with the slow updates and still stayed encouraging. To those who reviewed every chapter, just once, or even if you read and enjoyed. I really appreciate it.

Now. I think I might go collapse now this weight is off my shoulders. See you later! x


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